Last saturday, my stomach started cramping up. I spent the whole morning sitting on the toilet bowl while trying not to doze off. for some reason, i have been extremely exhausted in the past couple of weeks, so every single minute and hour counted when it comes to bed time.

I couldn’t find the medication, and felt too weak and tired to get out of house, so i just called work sick, and went back to bed. Considering the past few months, not to mention the busy seasons… this shouldn’t be a problem right? I mean, with my new boss i have no history of deliberate missed days before. zilch, nada… not to mention, i have no life outside of work and school + some gaming.
About 6 hours i later, i woke up. I was still exhausted, and also realised i probably slept anywhere between 12-16 hours. and… i was still tired?!?! stomach was now churning air inside me, and whilst i do have pills for digestion and stuff, i highly doubt they would help. People who know me, also know that i am highly susceptible to stomachaches, diarrheas, in and especially around my PMS time.

The next morning, i found a missed call and a text message for work, asking me if i could come in to work *the night before*. Those messages were placed about an hour after i called into work sick. I must have missed it while i slept. It shouldn’t have been a problem though, but i called and apologise anyways for not picking up the phone.

When i got into work, after setting up, i was pulled aside to be talked to. They were disappointed and felt stressed by my absence. That i would do so when i knew the boss was going to be away, on a Saturday night no less, was the biggest disappointment and let down. “Your absence caused some stress on the team.” I was told. and the other problem was, i didn’t pick up the call from my Restaurant manager. And every time i tried to say something, “don’t argue with me, i am just passing on a message from the boss…” no, i can’t defend myself, but when i tried to explain stuff, he told me it’s a load of shit.

Sirs, i don’t know about you, but people fall sick. We don’t choose when we fall sick, we just fall sick. No one in this restaurant is indispensable, not even you sirs. I could be the first to go, but at no point in time would i be sorely missed. The business ran well long before my existence, and so it should run along fine after i have left. If by my absence on one night out of so many, could cause “stress on the team”, then some things have gone wrong, and someone’s not doing their job.

I have, on record and through everyone’s knowledge of me, do not go out, come to work most days on time and have never needed to call in sick for any other reason but for being really sick. I love my workplace, there is no need for me to be anywhere else but home and school and work.

The fact is, I have let you down less times unknowingly than you have let me down knowingly.

And it is heart breaking that i can’t even be sick, and not have to come to work.

My knees shook on Sunday night when i work, from dehydration. and yet you were still so hung up over thinking that i possibly faked my illness on Saturday night that you failed to see that. Instead, you keep harping on the small mistakes that happened, that were never big on your agenda before.

So, whether you were just having a big weekend, or truly felt i was doing something else that’s not work, please… just sit down and think through by history with this company. And then grow up. Don’t tell me people work despite being “crooked”, because we serve food sirs, not lingerie, and because I would never let you guys down when it’s really that serious, unlike yous.

Happy Easter everyone!!!

(yeah, my feet’s there to show you guys how big the Egg was. it’s ONE KILO MAN! ONE KILO!)

i am going to reward myself with a giant steak after mass

This year, Lent started way earlier than i expected. The worst part was, i haven’t been actively attending church for a few years now. I did sporadically attend church, but… I have not felt drawn to them. To be honest, half of the churches i tried attending felt cold, distant, even intimidatingly strange. I felt out of place.

So when i did eventually hit church this year, and realised that it was Lent, it was already the third week. First thing i did? I vowed to stay off red meat for the rest of the weeks leading to Easter.

For some people, they have felt it was stupid, going so far as to humiliate me and my understanding of Lent, God and religion as a whole. Someone asked me, while others giggled on the side, “can God make a rock he can’t pick up?” Aside from picking on the semantics, i can’t answer that, i can’t answer many things about God, because i am not him.

It hurt, and i wasn’t even preaching to them since they were the ones who asked why am i fasting for Lent?

Something changed this year though, and something important happened. The fact is, my life has changed and will continue to change for the better because of God’s intervention. This is strictly between Him, and me. There were so many things in the past that has changed too, all thanks to him. While i may not know all the answers with regards to God, nor explain away the problems that have ensued from people’s strong faith in all our various religions, i know that there’s a higher being who loves me and is helping me all the way.

And for all that, it was vital for me to at least attempt to FINISH my fasting. I have never once made it all the way to Easter. It’s only a few weeks, compared to a full 40 day, but if i succeed, this would make it the first time i have hit Easter and stuck to my fasting KNOWINGLY. That is my promise to God, to finish, to change and all for the better.

In fact, it’s been an easy ride. It was pretty surprising, how i have both knowingly and unknowingly felt my way through and now it’s near the end of Holy Week. In this whole lent, i have discovered that:

1) It’s probably easier for me to turn wholly vegetarian. Fish related meals are damn hard to find, and alternating to Chicken is too easy a way out. Albeit, i have only touched chicken like… 5 times?

2) Corn is awesome. Corn is awesome… and… corn is still awesome! i never thought i had like corn!

3) Chick peas are awesome too!

4) I have become too dependent on red meat.

That all said, while i am looking forward to a nice piece of steak, i am also looking forward to the next lent. I have successfully attended church for the last few weeks, and i am striving to make sure i don’t veer off the road this time. It’s hard work, which surprises me. Back home, even when it took an hour’s bus ride to church, i still made it on my own every week without fail. Now, i am such a lazy duck.

But… why did i suddenly go back to church? Ah, God works his own little miracles… and it’s not only about me. <3