Yet another shift at möe, and yet another night where i wavered between “i won’t let this get to me” and “maybe i should just go back to old work place till i graduate”.

i know, and i understand, that these are just part time jobs. NOTHING should get to me as it is. however, it’s hard to push away feelings for a place that had been such a huge part of your life, especially when you are not sure if the new ones will suit.

However, as i polished the cutlery for yet another night, while the other chick that came with me was working a section, i crawled back into the back of my brains and sat down.

“yo.” i said to myself, “considering the situation of the past few days, where Cook’s getting fired and i have been more than welcome, maybe if i discussed a possible salary rise with ex-boss… i should just go back.”

Logical me blinked. “while you have less things to do now, you are paid more, with more benefits, for less hours. less intellect needed too.”

normal me sighed. “i know. but… you know how much i HATE having nothing to do on the job. besides, they can’t even get it right and put me on the roster for shifts!”

Logical me replied calmly, “they are still a notch better, in terms of reputation, than your previous work place. they also provide you with the training you need to be a proficient waitress.”

“at ex-workplace, i am more than proficient, if not by exprience, at least by feel.”

“ah.. but see,” and here, my logical self nodded furiously “within the last 2 weeks alone, you have learnt much more than you did previously.”

“and i know, i will learn more in times to come. however, at this rate, all i will learn eventually is which cutlery belongs in the kitchen and which to the floor!”

oh yes, i spent the rest of the night arguing with myself. it is, i must say, a real terrible habit. few people who knows me even realises i do that sometimes. in fact, this guy whom i didn’t noticed coming, overheard me talking to myself, and just… gave me the most scared look i have ever seen. I AM NOT POSSESSED DAMMIT!

but regardless… yes. i am considering going back, if not for a while till i find something more stable, more appreciative, and just… you know, WORKS ME, but for something i wouldn’t feel so alien. right now, even the new girls seemed to get all chummy with the old ones. There’s a 17 years old who even talks down to me for no real reason. and once, i overheard them making crude jokes about me, when they didn’t think i could hear them.

it cuts into me, and annoys me. i know, it will take time to get chummy with people, and to right into work itself. but when? when will i get proper shifts? when will i get my own section? when… when… when? questions are just revolving round my head. If it’s just a part time job, i am SURE i can just bite it and work it. it’s in my blood, my dad’s like that too. gah…

Some people might find this odd, after all, books and their characters are listed as fiction for a good reason: they are not real.

however, when you have been sitting there, immersing yourself into their lives again and again, they are as much a part of you and your life as you have been quietly theirs.

That said, i was eagerly awaiting this book, and yet so not really wanting to see it, because it will spell a farewell, a goodbye, to a constant escapism, to “friends” i have made over the years. and some are less “ressurectable” than the others.

i am still reading the book, not because i am incapable of reading any faster, but the sudden realisation that i can not touch them anymore slowed me down. i have peeked at the ending, i will admit, so that if she has killed off people i like, i adore, and i treasure, i would have stopped reading. i won’t tell you know whether she did or didn’t, because, to be honest, when i read the ending, i was satisfied enough to battled on, knowing what i did know.

i am pretty close, almost 20 pages away, from whence i started reading the ending, but i will re-read the ending anyways, for it to build slightly more sense. but i fear, this will still make this loss, a loss.

of course, i can re-read harry potter whenever i like. after all, i do have the whole lot. the experience though, would be vastly different, would it not?

Thank you j.k rowling, you provided me “friends” and “family”, and a truly wonderful world to escape into.

on another note, i have worked and schooled so much in the past week, i am feeling a burnout.

oh… and cookie got fired. O.o *state of shock*

i got harry potter yesterday. i will be hibernating till i am done. i am already halfway through, but thought perhaps i should cry somewhere.

/cry

and yes, i peaked at the end, so in case important people are dead, i stop reading right there and then. the 4 paragraphs i read made me happy.

ok bye.