phone convo with mum:

mum: your dad’s very seriously ill with diabetes, he can’t be discharged just yet.

me: let me talk to sis

mum: your dad needs money, he said he will die with regrets if he doesn’t get money back from you that he spent on you

me: fuck you, get my sis

*random talk with sis, and for some retarded reason she passes it back to mum*

me: and so, why isn’t my sis visiting my dad? what’s the number to my dad’s hospital bed?

mum: don’t know

me: wtf do you know?

mum: he’s about to die you know… he’s got no money…

me: so you think having my sister NOT visit my dad, if he’s about to die, is fine?

mum: you know,when your dad left for the hospital, he was repeating in a semi conscious state that i have to let you know he’s in hospital, that you have to give him back the money before he dies, or he will die with regrets.

me: you know what? when my dad dies, i am disowning you. so don’t keep talking to me about money, because you are not my mum anymore, and not getting any.

Dear mother, it’s true. while i can’t morally and physically change the fact that you are my mum, i will find the means and ways to disown you legally, because you have and is still causing me many emotional and mental problems. you also want to leech yourself on me, not that you have never done that before, to solve the very problems you have created. i HATE you with all of my heart. you have been nothing but the bane of dad and my life.

if dad dies, i will let you know now, he blames *YOU* for it. you have done nothing but go against his wishes when he told you those fans and fabrics you refuse to give up, plus your lack of organisation and hygiene, was slowly but surely killing him. he’s suddenly allergic to those dust you call your work now. and yet you make sure have fans turned on full blast to blow those dust to his face

dad may think it’s his fate to have you as his wife, i had like to think i can CHOOSE my fate by LEAVING you to your own devices.

fuck you.

i don’t think i have ever talked about this topic, nor have i talked much to anyone about her. i actualy do have a younger sister, and our age difference is 8 years. I am not sure how much of it was planned and how much of it was a coincidence, but because my parents were so busy, despite the fact that we had maids, i was constantly lonely. so i had usually ask for an ELDER sibling.

that sounds dumb i know, but everyone i knew at that point in time had a great ELDER sibling, no one ever talked about their younger sibling so yer… not that i knew it was entirely impossibly unless they adopt.

at any rate, when my sister was conceived, my mum had issues the entire duration of the pregnancy. she was sick, not at the early parts of the pregnancy, but the later parts. she started bleeding heavily somewhere in the middle of her pregnancy. and while there were some minute activities from my then foetal sister, she was quiet as a foetus from the third month on, to the point where my parents feared she’s a stillborn.

to others, that would have already signify a problem, but for my mum, she said it was a sign from buddha that at least for once, she would have a nice, obedient and fillial child.

my sister could never started speaking till she was like 3 or 4, and even then it was all single letter words like “water” “food”. enough to signify her needs. most times though, she just points. she was always alone, mum had whisk her home immediately after school, so for a long time she had no friends nor an idea how to make them.

one particular incident carved itself into my mind though. she was about 2 or 3, when she grabbed one of my sharpeners lying around and sharpened her fingers. i didn’t notice till i saw blood every where.

she didn’t even cry and was still looking curiously at the sharpener. it’s as if she felt not pain.

for a while, she seemed to be learning many things from my then maid though, and it included how to say more stuff. when Gemma left though, and my mum took over, it all fell apart.

to put it simply, my sister’s now 18, with a full language grasp of an 8 years old AT BEST (usually it’s more like a 5 years old), doesn’t understand many social concepts (why do we have to wear a bra when we go out), dresses sloppily and have many health problems, ranging from skin, to constant diarrhoea to etc.

my mum never once thought she might have a problem. “she’s not crazy or stupid! her eyes are bright, not dull like those down syndrome kids!” and as such, she’s never had my sister properly diagnosed, and have been sending her to normal schools where she’s been teased, bullied and pushed around.

on my part, i grew up disliking my sister initially. and for the life of me, i don’t know why i can’t change my attitude appropriately when i am with her. i do care about her now, but when i talk to her, my patience is as short fused as it ever was. it’s frustrating, when i can’t get her to communicate her needs and wants, nor understand what her since her communication skills are almost nil.

i want to help her, but most times my mum’s fucking in the way. i had no resources of my own either to change things, and so i could do nothing but encouraged her secretly in her real love - art. but for the first time, in my last visit, i had the last say (after tricking my mum muahaha), and now my sister’s signed up with the digital animation course in ITE. my mum was obviously not happy, claiming i want my sister to die without a grave, above everything else. she said her friend’s SON (note: this is just ONE fucking person, who might have done some fucked up stuff) got a job for a year then lost his job and is now a perfectly useless person.

it was AFTER she got sweet-talked by some smart person in ITE that she’s like, “omg what a great course, my daughter’s so priviledged! and it was ME who got her in it.”

bitch.

i finally found my sister’s deviantart account (or her 5 huge accounts). and while she’s quite the idiot (like i said, she doesn’t understand concepts and consequences), she has uploaded drawings by others beside her own. to me, i see great improvement over her past drawings. she has had alot of time on her hands now that it’s “holidays” and no one would hire her due to her lack of communication skills.

now tell me, what else can i do?

I have been wanting to say this for a long while now, but stuff kept cropping up that are vastly more important.

First: i got these babies from the $2 shop (Daiso) in singapore for my dining habits here:

The rectangular pan you see in the middle would be the egg roll pan. its fascinating, and while i know the theory behind it, i have yet to make one yet. stay tune :p

Dad had been accumulating all these cookbooks for me (and more which i couldn’t bring since i was already 5 over the weight limit) ever since he realised i might not be back for a long time. These cookbooks were one for each time i called home and said i missed stingray/various other local delights.

for the more sharp eyed ones though, there are 2 bento books behind, which are not bought by my dad. It’s bought by my new housemate as a gift for me ^^ except i think i really can’t cook that well. the smoke detector went off today and i was almost in tears >.>

i bought a ds lite when i returned as well, a pink one might i add, and a couple of games to liven it up (since it doesn’t come with really any games). I had nintendogs, mario kart, and much later on, cooking mama. Nintendogs and mario kart is pretty much shared between me and waifie, but cooking mama is all mine.

of course i bought it coz it seems cute, i mean, which other game made it big because it inspired mums to cook and start forums and crazy stuff like that?

but cooking mama had the last laugh. i guess even in the digital world, i am doomed to suck at cooking. so far, i have only been successful in ONE dish.

INSTANT RAMEN! >.<