i swear he mocks me. the way he pronounces and “adds” apple into his words, his sentences, i can feel his mockery sliding all over me, with the intent to disgrace and embarass me.

he and those fake smiles of his can get fucked.

I cannot walk away,
From the heartbeats,
From the Twinkling Eyes,
Where the heart does not lie.

If happiness is such a sin,
If happiness is such a bliss,
That the heart dwells in,
Where would the righteous be?

Have the heart sigh more
For anyone?
Have the heart taken more
For happiness?
Would the heart sin more
For joy?
Does the heart deserves
Such gentle love?

I wouldn’t know.
But…

I cannot walk away,
I cannot let go,
I cannot break a heart
That is not my own.

P.S it seems that i have been an idiot. i have been wearing these boy cut briefs for comfort for the last couple of days, but my pants have… ahem been dropping. so, with it’s glorious pink flashing to the world, my undies have also been glittering at strangers, telling them to kiss my ass -.-

why me.

however, as luck would have it (although totally unrelated), apparently either the uni has turned rich for jumping in ranks last year or maac has gone generous, they now have like 3-5 established mac labs (that or i have just not been noticing them) complete with the new imc g5 with the built in isight.

guess i ain’t ever going home :p

Yesterday, i went to church. except, church wasn’t exactly church. there’s no real church within a walkable distance of this place, and the nearest church is 40 minutes by foot or about 20 mins + some 10 mins of walking in another direction. either ways, this suburb is catholic church - starved.

but i needed church. i knew lent is coming soon, and either i go, and be a sinful prick for another year. and i missed church as well, it was home to me for various various reasons, and the silent comfort for my tears.

My priest visited me on saturday morning to give me details on how to get to this “church” for my sunday mass, as well as listen to me talk and yabber on and on about how great i am. how patient is he, i have no words to describe. i assured him most of the worst if past now, and at least i am moving on. i also told him of my troubles, and my various plans to save myself.

yes yes, i have many many other side plans to ensure i do not hit home to face the wrath of my parents AND am able to get my dream job. i just have to work terribly hard to ensure i do not get sidetracked.

but church…

i walked there, warmed by the setting sun, quiet in my shyness while enjoying the late afternoon air. it was a hot day, but then again, summer has always been hell in canberra. i wonder how the kangaroos liked being roasted.

upon reaching school, i realised that i have seen this particular room before. it was but a tiny place that they call the “spiritual” center or something along that line. in anu, it would be the multicultural chaplaincy. but this, is VERY tiny. it’s even smaller than the hole that i call my room now.

there were only 5 of us, and 4 of us were international students. the way it was conducted, was similar to a small bible gathering that i used to do while going through catechism.

amidst the little security hoo-ha (the security forgot to unlock the doors), the shyness of having to be in such close quarters with utter strangers, i felt a small sense of coming home.

home, they say it’s where the heart is. and therefore no matter where i go, as long as there is a church and my God, there would be my heart, and home.

i settled down a little and let my voice soared through the songs and prayers that were the familiar ritualistic part of the entire mass…

the entire thing didn’t last very long, but the friendly senior students took us noobs out for some ice cream chit chats.

home… eheheh… against the wind, i ran home, my little skirt flying dangerously above my knees, but i haven’t had a care in the world.

i realised, in that little church gathering, that i had some gifts that i had seen as curses. to be able to feel, to love, to emphatise… those were my strengths and yet they were also my weaknesses, a double edged sword. but with it, i can bring happiness to someone, bring love to people… and be their comfort in their time of need.

i wouldn’t say it took me so long to realised all that, or that one session of church brought me to this realisation, perhaps i have always known it, but chose to look the other way.

embracing my gifts though, proves to be an easier path. after all…. i can bring my “home” with me, wherever i may go, and bring a little comfort to someone else like everyone has been doing for me

happy lent period…. abstinence can be painful but everything is going to be worth it.

hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

that’s what the quote is often about. it’s usually about a woman, her bitchiness, and the whole package of loving that women can give. 

what happened tonight, can be more accurately described as:

hell hath no fury like hungry women whose food hath been stolen.

for the past few weeks, as i had mentioned before, Dude got more “used” to us, and have basically been treating us with disdain, disrespect, and basically being an idiot. we have this rule, where if the kitchen is out of something, we are to run out and tell everyone. and he had tell me, in a snide tone, “please don’t tell me something as minute as we are out of mash if you see me not ordering and is conversing with customers.”

sorry, i don’t have time for you. if you can’t take it, and took the wrong order in the next 15 mins, then by all means, you can go get fucked, kkthx. it’s not my problem that you prefer looking like a manager with your customers, while fucking up your food knowledge. 

and also, our food have went from free to being half priced if we want to eat them, when we are going to work for that night. so normally, if anyone sees some food lying around, we would normally ask everyone, if we wana eat it, if we could touch their food. common, right? polite, right?

but dude had just grab our food, and go, “it’s just ONE chicken..”, “it’s just ONEEEEE fry…”… sure it is. but these ONES will add up to a full meal that you leech off us.. then who do we turn to to get more food when we are hungry AND working AND is not allowed to get food? you?

and the thing about dude is, he might take our food, but he won’t share with us. it’s just… returning the favour. we don’t expect much from him, but even if it’s ONE fry or ONE chicken, he whines, and bitches, and scolds us.

tonight took the cake, no pun intended.

his customers wanted to reward him for his good service, and also because they had no more need for that huge leftover of a cake. so they gave it to him. he chucked it into the fridge, telling Louisa, one of our new assistant managers, that he would put it in there and doesnt care because he knows we won’t touch it.

as per his lazy attitude, he was about to walk away from the cashier till leaving me with the customers, when he had nothing to do. so i just ran off without saying a word, back to my customers and cleaning up their tables.  this resulted with him enjoying an immensely long 40 mins worth of helping customers settle their bills.

meanwhile, after clearing the table, i found the girls giggling in a bunch near the fridge, and i asked them what they were giggling about, when one announces, “lol omg, he’s got a long queue of customers now, he won’t be able to leave…. quick quick!” and i found them eating the cake in the fridge that i noticed earlier.

up to that point, i thought the cake belongs to Wan or Louisa because they had the biggest sections, and with a cake that size, it might have been from those 3 tables within the 2 sections. so when they invited me to the cake, i took 2 teaspoons of it and went to clear more plates from other tables because my section was finished.

then, while i was wiping the plates in the pass, Dude came hollering…

“WHO FUCKING ATE MY CAKE?!?!”

silence…

“WHO ATE MY FUCKING CAKE?!!?!”

it dawned on me then it was his cake, but i ignored him because, he did steal our food, without so much as answering our questions WHY he stole it.

“I ASKED WHO STOLE MMMMMYYYYY CAKE!!!!”

liza turned around with a very serious face, “it was all of us dude, all of us.”

“WHO!?!?!”

“all of us.”

then he went over and kicked the fridge in hard and stomped out of the restaurant.

all the girls came together then, and while we were all concerned about the fridge, they were all happy they got their back at Dude. apparently, everyone had their own fair share of him grabbing their paid dinners, and they were terribly upset about it. we have told our managers and no one cared enough to tell him off because they hated him anyways.

the only reason why he’s staying on is because they don’t want to look bad firing so many people at the same time. lindy, rianna… etc.

well then, we can take the matters into our hands.

girls united :p woohoo!!!

yes i do feel bad for him, he might have found it… some kinda self satisfying end of the night reward. however, considering how he never considers other people’s feelings when we are actually hungry, i don’t know if i should feel bad at all except he should feel now how we felt. and hopefully, he would change. 

technorati tags: waitressing, free food, thief, bad colleague, colleagues, women