so i can not sleep. i start reading stupid blogs and news, and now i am even more worried sick.

a few weeks ago i had a talk with a friend. i don’t normally ask Lizzie how she’s doing or what she’s doing for anything. it’s not that i don’t care, i just don’t want to bother her because i know she doesn’t like to be asked such questions.

the thing is, another friend asked me to have a talk with her. on the surface, i guess, the tutor they had think they were close, perhaps because they live near each other. technically though, they only knew each other slightly more because i brought her to visit lizzie.

i don’t think though, the tutor had the right to talk as such behind a student’s back. especially because she does that to everyone. it is fairly annoying, and at 21 and above, i would like to think we actually get it when you first approach us. constantly bugging us is like undermining of intellectual ability.

or perhaps she is just concerned.

but the chat with lizzie went really bad. i knew she was sick a few times. i never asked her why or how she was doing, because that’s… how i think she would prefer me to. she did say it was some problems with her kidneys though.

this chat though, ended up with her in tears. i felt so bad. i didn’t realised how much it impacted her. it wasn’t just my questionning about how she was doing. and i honestly told her the tutor asked maple to visit her really, not me. but i don’t know how to broach the subject otherwise, since i am not really in her class, but maple was. i don’t want to force her into finishing her assignments, or to do what her tutor wants, i just want to know if she was ok.

then i realised, she was really sick. but she didn’t want to perform the tests to see if it was some kidney failure. because if it was, she was so young, it could mean so much for her. she loves her bf to death, and she didn’t want him to be lonely, to have him worried.

but she doesn’t want to find out that she wasn’t having a kidney failure either, because then it might mean she’s lazy in the head, psychologically finding reasons to delay handing her work in.

the thing is, lizzie, i am worried for you. i know it is not my story to tell here, and i don’t want to piss you off. i don’t dare to call you and ask for fear of you crying on the phone and me not being there to give you a hug. i don’t want to visit you and ask either, because bf is always around you and i think you don’t want him to know either.

however, i am still worried for you, because sweetie, you need help if it’s serious. even if it’s not physically serious, someone need to look into it. it’s not your fault for anything, really. please tell me you have went for the tests and you are ok.

i know what you are doing means alot to you, and you don’t want to waste this year of education. but please please please, health > education.

i just want to know you are ok…