i watched advent children before falling asleep today. i screwed up my sleeping hours again, but the movie was pretty worth it, in a sense. i remember watching my first ff related movie ages and ages ago, altho all i remember about it was just the hair.

the hair. everyone talked about it, it was such a techonological thing back then, about how it was created strand by strand, and so most of the people that went were all in awe of mostly the technology. not much was said about the story line though.

but listening to the story of sephiroth via jake and the movie, it made me wondered about lotsa things. through out the world, babies are being sold, traded off, adopted, dumped and found. even in singapore, this happens. the uglier side of singapore that few people knows about and embraced, that there are literally babies being thrown into the rubbish chute, into the bins and then either happily found alive, or dead, struck by other rubbish and mauled by animals.

i won’t say anything about how the mothers might have felt, and might feel in years to come. i was never in that position, thus i won’t be able to comment. i do still wonder though, ever since i read the first report in my life about dead babies in the chute, how could they bring themselves to do it? how could one look at the face of one’s own, and throw it down the bin.

alot must have been running through their minds though, desperate, fear, depression.

it is the babies i do wonder even more about. when they grow up, and found out they were adopted, what would they think? what if they found out they were dumped into a chute, how would they feel/react/treat their foster parents?

of course, anime being anime, there were lots of drama in sephiroth when he found out he wasn’t exactly… a normal being. more of an experiment. so he wasn’t even unwanted or unloved i guess.

then it brings to question the idea of designer babies. i did it for my general paper question ages ago, the ethics of it and the possibilities. re-looking back at those questions now after so long, it also bring something else to mind. not many people might be able to afford “designer baby genes” or may even want it. so what about those who could be able to afford it or wants it. is it really their baby then?

and obviously the kids will still go to school. they would be intelligent, pretty, a little out of place. how does the teacher handle them? the crowd? the other kids? what if the teacher gets exasperated one day and goes “you are so GREAT coz you are a damn fucking DESIGNER BABY! NOW STFU!!”

woah. i don’t wana be that kid. that’s going to hurt. it’s like, if i wasn’t designed, i might have turned out stupid, unpretty and what not. and i still wouldn’t know if i am fully their baby. what if they werent’ “intelligent” enough and they have to borrow a gene from someone else? i would be 1/100th another stranger’s kid.

i lied in bed, after the story time. thinking back on how my mum wished she had pinched me to death when i was a baby, or she had stolen someone else’s kid. i thought back too, at how i wished i was adopted, thus was able to explain for my mum’s hatred or for a reason to run away from her and look for my “real” parents.

despite the pain both my parents had cause me, despite the hurt, despite the fact sometimes i do still wonder if i am adopted (chances are fairly nil ), i am glad to a certain extent of the nurturing i have gotten. i am glad of the person i have become. of course, i want to be better, and improve, but overall, i am still glad i ain’t a brat, ain’t a bitch, ain’t everything that i don’t like about save a few things.

*hugz bolster*