study period
every time, this time of the year, i would be packing my bag full of notes and texts, and then meeting up with my friends at random places in singapore, generally places with chairs and tables, to study for our upcoming exams.
most of the time, we would have some subjects in common, be it geography, maths, english, chinese, literature… just something. We had sit at various cafeterias, mac donald’s (most memorably, the one at bukit timah), with our walkmen/discmen/md players out just studying, munching, studying, listening to music and studying studying studying. we had mini breaks between studies, just talking to each other, walking to shops to have a look, talk about everything else but study.
being the testiest time of the year, it is also when the tears come out, when feelings get in the way, when people are raging because they are so mentally stressed out.
me and Q often went to the airport to study, between studying and eating, we had be watching planes fly by, talk about what we want to do in the future, what we think we should be doing to get there.
i lost my entire bag worth of money, pager (back then, handphones were like :O expensive) and my precious precious notes, while waiting for q to turn up with her bf. i thought they had arrived, were playing a prank on me, and just sat and read while waiting for them to get over their childishness. but then, an hour passed, then 2. and then i realised, er, my stuff were stolen. on the one hand, i was upset. q was kind late, which meant i had no way to contact her, nor to call anyone, nor to buy food, coz i was hungry.
on the other hand, i was on the verge of tears coz those notes were months of hardwork put into it. you might ask, wtf did i even leave my bag alone in such a public place? i guess familiarity starts making u trust. it was such an open area, and i was just away to make a 10cts call, so i just carried 10cts to the phone booth and came back. the only thing that was left, was my other notes that werent in the bag. it was a short walk, it was an open area, i never thought someone had just steal and had easily get away.
Leaving an all girls’ school was perhaps one of the scariest event of my life. for the first time, in all my years of proper education, i have to face with post puberty but still kiddo guys. with all the stories my friends filled me in with their boyfriends and so on, i must admit, i got really edgy. it was also the first time i moved outta my green polka dotted uniform that i have grown to love so much too. and right into the ugliest possible uniform, which is also tedious to take care of. i went from this
to a grey coloured 2 piece uniform, which in all stupidity had a PINK strip just below the shirt, to make it a faux tuck in of some sort. in all my possible ideas, i could not phantom why they made that pink strip amidst all that greyness. and because i was so comfortable in my 1 piece uniform, that 2 piece thing annoyed me so much, especially the ironing needed. most of the time, my old uniform just needed ironing around the collar and that’s it. anything else could be just hung straight and they clear up.
at any rate, most of my friends went a different path from me, choosing to go vocational institutes rather than academic ones. i am kinda more of a reader and thinker than a worker at that point (not much has changed anyways :o) so off i went, back into higher lvlled versions of literature, and whatever other bullshit.
because of such a background, most of my friends, especially closer ones, are still girls. they are still the ones i run to when i have problems, when i need to cry and so on, because i just feel weird confiding in guys. like i do say some stuff, but i won’t cry infront of them. tough bitch? nar.. just being.. ah.. well nvm.
3 whole years of jurong institute, which is now kinda defunct and formed millenia institute with outram institute, and all my studying were mostly done with a friend i found in my first year, called yj. oh she has a longer name than that, but i m just used to typing it as yj…
the same thing goes, studying, eating, shopping for snacks. we both have this chocolate tooth.. and we used to eat fries while studying (T_T i miss macdonald’s @ bukit timah) and coke!!! oh yer.. those were the days.
when we study up too late, dad would sometimes pick me up and we had try and chat amidst the wind on his motorbike back home, about yj and her dad, about china, about studying and so on.
i miss all that. trying to do that again right here, feels weird, because i am all alone. nobody really goes maccas to study. people do in the library, but behind these cabo something tables, that shields u from the other person.
it’s at times like these, i especially miss q and yj because there isn’t someone to complain to, to discuss with and msn isnt the same as looking someone in the face and just gabbling away.
and as i munch away on my notes, in canberra there isnt a 24 hr place where i can run to to have midnight snacks with dad like roti prata or just a cuppa to talk and talk, because he isn’t here and there’s no 24 hr food stuff.
i miss home in a different way from some people. it’s not just about familiarity or the people, it’s the routines that i miss. and for once, i do wish i am back in singapore, escaping the humidity in the airport, studying with a chummy friend of mine.
sigh. stupid studying making me miss home.
who let this tard out
after playing for a bit and getting ready to go to school, i was just checking through my msn msgs for anything important before leaving and going to school.
Remember about a month or more ago, i mention this idiot who tried to cyber me often in lineage 2, and who sent me a picture of his greying penis? since then, more people have started talking to other people about his penis picts and also various things had happened ingame.
He was part of the alliance under his old clan. but midway through, apparently he tried to cyber with an clan member’s wife, or tried to send his penis pict, or both. of course the entire clan had a tiff and he left, probably assuming that like in the past, whenever he detag, they would want him back anyways, like he’s so important.
so he was almost booted from the clan, he left the clan instead, but appealed to join a rival clan so that “he could take it out on his old clan”. on his application page to that new clan, he says, “i have always respected you as enemies and now we should work as allies” or something along that line. read: butt licking.
up till then, i thought, oh, just another boy working through his raging pubescent hormones. no big deal. however, his actions proves more than that. he is so sick in the head he doesn’t see what he had done as a PROBLEM, that he must take revenge on his ex clan, instead of feeling exactly like the ass that he is.
anyways, by then lotsa people have heard from me as to the type of ass he is, as well as from various sources. because he has done this to so many people, the source isn’t necessarily me anymore. thing is, girls should not be exposed to such visual abuse just because they are a rare breed in gaming. thus i feel necessary to tell people about such a tool.
in case you also haven’t notice, he is also fair entertainment at how much of a fool he is.
after the last post on him, he gave me a curt “thanks, see you around” and proceeded to remove me from his friendlist ingame and blocked me. not a bad loss…
then he joined a friend’s alliance.
i told another friend who told another friend lalaalala…. and far as i know he probably got the boot from the clan. at any rate, he’s now abit of the server’s laughing stock.
when i opened my msn tab just now, this is what i saw from him…
[07:47] SiL3nT: thanks for ruining my fun in Lineage II
[07:47] SiL3nT: i really apreciate it
ahem. excuse me dear sir, when u first started talking to me, u never mentioned anything about confidentiality.
secondly, when u first breached the lines of normality, i could have reported you and got you banned for sexual harassment, but i didn’t. don’t tell me ncsoft don’t care, because it has been done before.
thirdly, if your idea of fun in a game is trying to fuck someone thru cables and networks, i would suggest u get your head check over. see, i can get porn, because u can see the action happening, it stimulates ur head a little.
i dont get cyber nor sending ur picture off to neverland. because right on this side of the monitor, i can be a dribbling 90 years old with a balding pubic region for all you know. the pictures that i sent you could be googled online anywhere, randomly. if you guys didn’t know by now, u can google stuff like dscn001 or something and then u had churn up someone’s private picture.
so to go thru that point more accurately, your idea of fun is to fuck someone u can’t see, who might be a 90 years old dribbling old man, with balding pubics trying to get a hardon with little boys, i.e YOU. good work matt.
on the other hand though, if that’s also your idea of fun, u are also the idiot that turns girls off playing because instead of just having casual fun, they have to learn how to handle dorks like you amidst all the learning of the game. guys with no life who tries to fuck their electrical appliances.
and you wonder why no girl wana get in your pants.
last but not least,
dear matt. if anyone’s at fault for feeling like an idiot in this game, it is but your own. i did not ask for the pict of ur greying penis that wasn’t washed since the beginning of time. i did not asked to be grossed out while having my dinner, neither did i seek to tell people intentionally at first what u did.
but i had to let it out of my mind because u gross me out that bad. whenever you couldn’t find anyone to cyber u had come to me, with ur *caresses* and *kisses* and *strokings* that irks me, because 1) i am busy healing in a party 2) i am not interested 3) ur disgusting.
if you quit the game, i would honestly not care, because you suck as a player, you suck as a person and u need help. let it be known ur also the FIRST person i can safely say that because you contributed absoutlutely nothing into the l2 world on kain, other than set female cautions up high. you have done absoutlutely nothing for anyone, other than giving people attention, pretending to be nice to them so that they could satisfy your needs when u need them.
this is not to say other people did not, but u extended that into the female boundaries of satisfying your penis, and that makes u the fucktard that you are.
for those reading this, i am sorry if i gross you out, but i feel that at some stage, i have to let this out. if anyone need to comment on how i shouldn’t bring this here, remember, my blog, my space, my entirety to do whatever i want on my blog, and this include making fun of anyone’s assets as i wish.
goodbye matt, remember to wash ur penis every now and then so that it stops greying.
love and LOVE
my friend asked me this on her blog, so i decided maybe i should just reply here coz by the time i was ready to comment and tried to summarise it, it almost became essay length hehe….
Why romance stories are so boring to some of us?
Well, for one, more often than not it’s a happy ending. if it’s not happy ending, it’s a super tragic ending where the living half would have learnt something but is unable to move on for the dead one. amidst all that, the middle of that is often terribly happy happenings, at least in the part in how they found each other, lalala, and then tada!! they are soul mates! wah so heng…
most of such books are predictable (then again, i have read like a grand total of 12 romance books so far or something, and more coz the cover’s female has a huge bosom or they are pink in colour or something…) and while we had still cry at their predictability, we even desire to be like those main characters, they just don’t hold our attention.
because we already know they won’t happen and that imagining it happen just hurts our head and heart because you and i, one of us, at least 9 out of 10 have been hurt before in the name of love. these books hits us like a slap in our face that, hey, someone got it better out there, hah u suck!
yer it feels like that sometimes.
how does a person stay so cynical of love then?
coz, u know, despite ur subconscious knowing that books and tv arent real, that despite all that fiction, a part of u wish that u would have this gallant knight in shining armour come and sweep u off ur feet and then bring u in this circus of love and then u stay there happily ever after..
not likely to happen.
YES happily ever after happens, just not the way it happens in books and in movies, in series or in ur wildest dreams. every relationship have their own up and downs, ins and outs. no 2 person is going to be perfectly at ease with each other, not likely to argue, not likely to disappoint one another. hell, u even disappoint ur parents at some stage, who’s to say about someone who’s not related to u.
it’s like this family thing but with someone else who’s not in ur family, who’s not familiar with u.
while no one expects the other half to totally aquiesce to them, or to be utterly romantic, there are still expectations, there are still differences and sometimes, it eats away at u.
i remember an ex colleague, she had a not so perfect marriage to a guy coz she was pregnant. they weren’t exactly very madly in love before marriage, even she admitted that she only married coz of the kid, and to “try things out”, in her own words.
in the end, the smallest thing pisses her off, even before her kid was born. the way he snores at night, how he turns in bed till he was “upside-down” while he’s sleeping, how he can’t sleep with music on while she needs to have some music on.
it’s when the breakdowns occur, the break ups that happen, the tears that u shed for the men that walked out of ur life, for the un-reciprocrated love that u spent sleepless nights on, that u turn a cynic. rl never seems to run like the books u read, the movies u cry over, the lyrics u hear.
but rl, is also more than a day, more than a few hours, more than cameras, lights, ink and paper. it takes 2 hands to clap, 2 lives to bend so that they may compromise, that’s what, in my opinion, love is.
of course don’t be an idiot and compromise and change urself so utterly that u aren’t yourself anymore. i mean, for fucks sake, he loves u then he gotta love all of u, isn’t that what he fell in love with in the first place? if it isn’t then he isn’t worth a single bit of ur time just move on.
i know, i can be wrong. i am speaking from my own personal point of view, with my not so vast experience with guys. but i do know at least my mum, my friends all had their various expectations of what kind of guys they want. and everyone of them had their expectations fell short.
one had a boyfriend who had do anything for her, but has a temper the temperature of a volcano, with equal efficiency at erupting.
another married a man thinking she can be a rich bum, but never got round to being a rich bum…
another had a boyfriend who would even wipe her tears away that she may never be hurt again by anyone… to be the same person who abuses her.
and then the guys have their own bad share of girls too. one had a girl who went cheated on him.
another guy lost his gf to an online dude coz he wasn’t as romantic as him, or as hard working as that guy to travel the distance to meet her (then again, singapore is only about 33km by 40 km or something like that, how far the hell u want him to travel anyways bitch?)
so tell me, is it wrong to be a cynic?
then again.. is it wrong to be a hopeful person?
both answers are.. not really.
then u hear songs like beautiful soul, i need you and i can’t live a day without you blah blah blah…
you watch shows where the guys had die so that their girls can live… and then u wonder where’s prince kermit….
he does exist.. somewhere out there. sorry to say, some of them are damn hum ji. if not most of them. they might never die for u, they might never give up their 837108313212 paying jobs so that they can move away with you to never never land.
BUT! some of them have balls!!!! remember Andrea D’Cruz and Pierre Png?!?!
ya! he donated his liver to her when her diet pills caused her to have a liver malfunction or something… so there’s hope!! ^.^ it was a dire situation admittedly, not like its a show or something, but, everyone of us out there wanted to have a special someone who would do something for us like that. and few people, very handful few would actually do such a thing, despite whether they say they would or not.
i think their story actually made everyone’s day and sigh hard and wish their boyfriends/girlfriends would do the same for them too. unlike shows, stories and other fictictious stuff, their’s real.
they are real!
therefore…
have hope!! cynical is ok!! but don’t let it bog u down!!!
my dad.. is strange
blah.
for the last one week now, my strange dad has been calling me leaving me more confused than my usual essays do.
he had call and go “harllo?”
“hi dad… wassup?”
“it’s night now right?”
“er ya..??”
“ok bye!!”
ermmmm… ok.
then he had call again… and ask “hey… you still playing games?”
“ya, still l2.. why?”
“oh nothing.. BYES!!! :D”
….
YESTERDAY!!! amidst my readings and so on, he called “eh fatso, how are assignments going?”
“still doing some, exams coming up. why leh?”
“o nothing…!!!”
*click*
omg. SOMEONE STOP MY DAD!!!!!!!!!
then this morning …
“hey fatso.. i think ur mum threw away ur soft toys… how?”
“… why???”
“iono… it’s not there anymore”
“wtf!!! did she move it?”
“she won’t say anything but ur sis said she threw them away..”
“she crazy or what?”
“i was kidding la…”
………………………………………
my dad.. is damn free.
walk
went for a short walk. wasn’t too bad except my over active brain started making fun of everything i saw 
or started taking the wrong ideas.
like when i went past this truck
i started thinking, man, is this truck here to lift the house away? looks very much like it though, i mean, this damn truck is like the same size as the house!!
then i got home sick looking at this..
few things can aptly describe singapore in silence as roadworks. i mean, how many times do u have roadworks near ur house? i have lost count -.-”
what caught my eye though was this sign
cuddly… i feel like a bear… all squisshyy…. maybe if i lie down on the road now someone would take me home and care for me =X
i mean really, after all i live near this kindergarten, with bushes as fences
i might get picked up by a sweet kid who will hug me to sleep every night, amidst the drool, gurgling and chicken pox!! but as a cuddly bear, i wont be affected at all, and i get to be washed!! no more showering for myself by myself with myself… i get tumbled around with clothes!
but anyways…
it is autumn now, although the weather doesnt feel so at times. it’s still fairly warm in the day, but at night i lose my toes to the cold. the trees have started changing colours, and even shedding.
they make a wonderful effect though as long as you’re not thought to be a stalker/murderer/spy/strange just coz ur taking photos… as i discovered this person hurrying away from me with her dog…
strange people.
oh wells. incidentally, i suddenly realised how much canberrans love round-abouts. i mean, what’s the deal with it. i have one in my “backyard” one before reaching my home, one after, and guess what?
i found one just right after it, along the road to belco! although this pict is ruined by the damn sun, it’s… still a wow from me =X i tend to like praising myself 
on my way back, i saw this thing towering over a house.. and the only thing i could think of was..
phallic symbols.
damn literature teachers.
rosaries
rosaries
Originally uploaded by anivyl.
the aforesaid rosary.. decided to post it up for the curious, though the image really doesnt live up to the real thing
school is stressing me out. i hate exams/assignments period because it makes me feel like i am forced to write something out 
. i like writing stuff out, churning them at an impossible speed with an impossible length.
but i also like to do it when my mind feels like it, not when someone wants me to do it. i have taken to sleeping even more abnormal hours now, because i feel i work better at night than when the sun does shine.
the sun distracts me, annoys me and eats at me. i wish classes are at night too, but if everything goes all the way different from what they are now, the silence of the night would be broken, and then it be the same as it is now: where i hear inane sounds at the quietest time of the day.
when i went to church yesterday, i approached the priest to do something i have been forgetting for a whole year now to do, every single sunday that i often forget: to bless my “new” rosaries. these rosaries aren’t all that new now that it’s been a year, but when i bought them (they were a pair, but i didn’t bless the other, just the one i am going to use), i spent like 200 on them. both of them were bought with various meanings in mine, one for understanding of love and life, and the other for innocence and love (so i am a die-hard romantic, even in religion, so what?).
the first was bought for my then boyfriend, who had a pretty tough time with relationships. but with his possessive-ness, and scary approaches, i am not surprised. being his girlfriend was stressful, because he doesn’t want me to do anything that i like, and he has all these insecurities that i stood thru with him. eventually, it was all his broken promises that drove me away. so thus the rosary remained with me, still un-blessed in case i do see anyone who quite rightly deserves it.
the unique thing about these rosaries though, is how they are made. they are actual miniature flowers (i have no picts of them atm because they wont show up well with my stupid camera taking skills) you can view some of them here http://www.ourroserosary.com/ and http://www.roserosary.com/index1.html, although there are really 2 main online shops that sell them. i just can’t remember from which did i buy mine from =X but they have excellent services from both of them, willing to answer questions that u may have and form opinions in case u are in 2 minds about what to get.
anyways, yes, i got the priest to bless the ones i intend to use for myself then i offered to do readings once i am more settled into the church. being new and all, i am still pretty shy. hehehe… but, horrors of horrors, he told me to audition by standing at the reading corner and speak thru the mic, with the mic fully on and so on.
considering how the mass has just ended and everyone was flooding out, some stopped to wonder if i was some kind of crazed prankster reading another reading at that point. i hurried through the words like i normally wouldn’t, a little scared from the attention.
yer i can read slowly, with short passages. full on presentations requiring me to stand there for more than 30 mins will drive me mad.
walking home though, i was fairly happy and relaxed. going to church is like going home i guess, just feel so happy and at ease. it was coming home and facing the assignments that thoroughly riled me up abit 
.
you won’t believe the amount of procrastinating that i did. from reading blogs, to reading news, i dug up so many things to read, that eventually my assignment was severely digressed and i had to backtrack and delete some stuff so that i could actually stay on the topic, because i was actually typing what i was reading (reading on the side and typing is not exactly what one should be doing but oh wells, i like it 
).
one of the more interesting things that i found were people who did photo blogs on their road trips. while some put them up with good reasons (let my friend see la, my family needs them la… my mother will kill me if she didn’t know where i am la… the works…) others are beyond comprehension. they weren’t even exactly road trips.
i am not going to link them here, because i don’t know them nor their purpose of putting them up on the www. they were basically pictures of children in compromising poses, bad taste of clothes, revealing or not, but definitely children.
if those were what a person considers as road trips, and u actually find some kind of pleasure in it, i would suggest u check out a psychologist.
all in all, i finished my assignment, managed to read like tonnes of stuff amidst it, AND PRODUCED SOMETHING NOT SO MANGLED BY MY THOUGHTS!!! wweeeeeee…. 
and i managed to watch naruto 133.. or was it 135 
?? at any rate, it was awesome!! for those who don’t know, it’s an anime, and this last episode i was watching had the major fight between sasuke and naruto set in motion. there’s 3 mini parts to this fight, mainly the parts when its just naruto and sasuke fighting without much special powers to them, then moving on to naruto getting serious a little… then almost dying, the kyuubi in him got round to starting up this huge bunch of chakra…
well go watch it, i am not about to say anything 
for those who haven’t watch anime before, it’s like watching cartoons but better
and then there was bleach, which isn’t much still at the moment in my opinion. the next episode of bleach might have more fighting scenes and tells more of the story, i hope. most of the more serious animes normally has some kind of story lines at least, that i am interested in.
wahahaha, so many things to distract me!!! and tsubasa chronicles seems to be getting better!!! so… ahem, will my anime provider please hurry up and send me more animes already!!! 
and recently i have been having very very strange dreams. it’s pretty much similar stuff, where there is a world war thing going on, and then i magically summon kittens out to save the world!! sadly though, these aren’t the cartoony types i get in my game, but rather the real ones (which are twice as cute anyways!!), and they go pawing and scratching at people with guns and they win!!!
maybe.. just maybe.. we are going to be silently dominated by cats!!
the world, as according to panda
the da vinci code
most of you should have heard of the da vinci code by now, and some should have read it. more and more, i got severely curious by the controversies the rose around it, a mere fiction book.
my relationship with novels, i must say, goes beyond the simplicity of just reading it. i sometimes live in them, grow with them. i was practically nurtured by the books i read, more than really brought up by my parents.
so when a book of this nature got into my attention, i did try to resist reading it, coz it makes me feel like one of the sheeps that got herded in that general direction. i did, however, buy the prequel earlier in the year. and that did arouse my curiousity more. this guy may not be writing a gigantic epic, or something extraordinary. infact, it’s like most other crime fiction, albeit perhaps more detailed in terms of his scientific/locational research.
it’s just like me trying to produce an entirety in terms of moving along with the characters, i described every single wind they feel, touch, this man introduces the maths equations, the history behind some of the REAL stuff in the world.
just for starters, i finished the book. yer. i finished it in like 12 hours, that’s not the point though.
i bought the book yesterday, finally succumbing to my curiousity. i wanted to see why many religious leaders warn their sheep against the book. by the time i was about half way through the book, i could see why people were worried for the religion, people got curious about the catholic faith and whether Jesus was married or not and almost de-braining themselves in the process.
of course the first clue to it all should have been noticed right from the start.
“FACT:
The Priory of Sionâ€â€a European secret society founded in 1099â€â€is a real organization. In 1975, Paris’s Bibliothèque Nationale discovered parchments known as Les Dossiers Secrets, identifying numerous members of the Priory of Sion, including Sir Isaac Newton, Botticelli, Victor Hugo, and Leonardo da Vinci.
The Vatican prelature known as Opus Dei is a deeply devout Catholic group that has been the topic of recent controversy due to reports of brain-washing, coercion, and a practice known as “corporal mortification.” Opus Dei has just completed construction of a $47 million National Headquarters at 243 Lexington Avenue in New York City.
All descriptions of artwork, architecture, documents, and secret rituals in this novel are accurate.”
that was the first page before the story officially started.
da vinci code was essentially looked upon as a book of fiction based around facts known to the author. the only fiction is really what happens in the story, such as the main character being related to anyone in the real world.
but because of the intricate web that crossed such boundaries and back, most readers would start getting pulled in and forget that a fiction book is still a fiction book. in all likelihood, there would be factual errors as well, and plenty of personal opinion and feelings chucked in.
i must admit, by the time i did that halfway point in the book, not only could i see why it has such controversies as mentioned, i myself was abit muddled as to if the book has any truth to it at all.
remember, i am a curious cat.
it probably didn’t help either that i have read many books before, and getting all the stories all messed up in my head didn’t help at all.
so it is that i stopped reading for a couple of hours and started researching into the story. i dugged out my bible, ran through the internet and found out many many startling facts, some of which were probably in my face but it has never bothered me coz it wasn’t explicitly IN THE FACE kind of truth. one of the errors of taking things as they are, or having a messed up kind of memory.
fact from the book: mary magdalene/mary of magdalena, WAS NOT AND NEVER HAS BEEN A PROSTITUTE.
a quick search in all the bibles online, plus my own bible proved that. perhaps why people got all drawn into thinking that she was a prostitute was that an un-named sinful woman was forgiven by Jesus for her sins in the CHAPTER before mary magdalene was introduced. people reading in a straight line might have just messed up the info.
but, in at least one version of the bible, i am still certain one of them mentioned that the sinful woman, was indeed a prostitute, thus labelled as sinful. otherwise, i am not quite sure where i got the notion from, for, the most part, i kinda read the entire bible by myself.
u can read the “Sinful Woman Pardoned” on luke 7:36-50 i believe.
in luke 8:2 is where the first mention of mary of magdalena first appeared. she was a woman, whom jesus casted out 7 demons, and one of the few women who went around trips with Jesus.
it is fairly important to read a fictitious book objectively. not researching it and blindly believing the “facts” that an author said are facts, is really just asking for it. i know many people just read for the sake of reading. but then again, there are those who believe what they read as truth AND starts spreading about it.
it is a great book in it’s own right. it got people thinking, it got people curious, and that is what books are about, to engage the mind. because of that, if you actually go around doing your research well, you will find that it’s also educational too. i am not about to debunk it as a total case of rubbish, because it is good fiction, it engages me, it made me start thinking about my religion and what i truly believe in.
would it have mattered to me if Jesus, one of the 3 central beings around which my religion was centered upon, was a married man with kids? would it have mattered if he was as fallible as man, to be like a man and have sex and love his wife differently from the way he loved his disciples (keyword: different. not more, not less, but different)?
the answer is no.
i think this has been mentioned many times before but i guess it’s all right to pull it up again. in societies of that time, it was a norm to get married (much like it is now, but people chooses not to that’s all) and part of the family’s duty was to find their sons a wife. infact, look at the much more traditional families nowaways, they still perform this “arranged” marriage thing, and usually at a young age.
aside from that, the bible showed God in agreement with procreation, and Jesus love kids. and also lots of comments about families and so on ( i am not going to pull up every single bible reference to all of you, this will take a long time.). it would seem strange then if Jesus goes celibate or would encourage his disciples to act as such.
of course, people would then start saying that it could be very plausible that there’s this part where “you must have no other God than me” and in a relationship, it’s hard to be all that focused on God, when you have a family to love and care for. honestly? check out the families that goes to church. in bringing forth children, they teach the future generation to love God as much as they did, their ancestors did.
my point is, even if Jesus was married and has descendants now and so on, and whether it was mary magdalena or not,it doesn’t affect my choice of religion, because what he taught was good, what he did for us was good. when he died, he died for us so that all souls may go to heaven, that we maybe closer to God. That is supposed to be our fixating point, not if he was married or not. and since our focal point was also God, i still don’t see how marriage should affect us.
If God did intend Jesus to come down to earth and share a human life like us, suffer like us, then marriage, would have been perfectly reasonable, because it was the norm and it shouldn’t deter anyone from believing in the Messiah, just coz he has a wife. we DID accept the fact that despite our imaginings that he was fearless, he did indeed prayed in the garden (ref: matt 26:39, Agony in the Garden) “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as i will, but as you will.” he feared of what may come, like normal humans would. he was scared, like us if we knew our impending doom.
so what is marriage?
just more affirmation that Jesus was as much a human when he was supposed to live as a human as he is a Divine Being after his death and resurrection.
for the people who like their Gods to be infallible, their priests/ priestesses/ prophets/ whatnots be totally infallible, you’re in the wrong part of the universe. go somewhere else.
“fact” from the book:
this one is one of the biggest error i guess that made people upset. i could see why though, they wanted to see a real life “secret society” that smells archaic, honourable and various other things at the same time. the priory of scion.
the ORDER OF ZION was real, and was associated with the Knights of Templar. note the was. the priory of scion however, was a joke and a fraud (link:http://priory-of-sion.com/psp/id84.html). perhaps dan brown didn’t do proper research before stating that it was a fact, or perhaps like me, he got it messed up and then zion and sion got all messed up and.. well you get the idea.
somewhere at the back of my head i have read something about the priory of scion and it’s existence as something real, probably a fiction too from elsewhere, thus by the time i was halfway thru, my mind was all fucked up and i really had to research to seperate those bits of fiction with facts by looking it up. so if u draw back to where i showed u what he said about the fact that priory of scion was a real organisation, secret or ni, well, that’s bullshit. 
sad isn’t it?
there were also other parts of the fiction that claims that the church actively tries to hide the truth from the their members, which, as u can see, is part of his story. true or not, it’s really up to the individual to take it. again, human makes mistakes, many times over. the church did have a horrific past where killings were on to “convert” people or just for the pure sake of money. there were homosexual priests/popes as much as there were priests/popes with families, that were against the celibacy rules (which were set in about the 300s?). then of course there were the notorious ones who had various amounts of illegitimate kids, some of which were chosen as cardinals, rituals of benefiting themselves and their loved ones.
with such a horrible past of breaking the very same rules that they make, i wouldn’t be surprised if the Catholic church did have some secrets to hide, because they don’t want to seem all too evil, against the teachings of the bible, or just being vulnerable to the same human mistakes that the people they were supposed to guide make. but would it have turned you away? are you there because the church looks good? i am not, i wouldn’t go away.
then again u have those child molestations accusations, how does one react to that?i guess i would be a bit freaky, but the church is not all about the priests, its about God and the members. priests are like these mediators.
yer the go betweens.
at the end of the day, it’s just a fiction book. i enjoyed it immensely, like i would with any other book. true, it got me all messed up about my facts because i wasn’t sure of them in the first place, and he was also fairly convincing with the facts i already know (the usual brain thing that goes “if 3 or more facts are accurate, why not all of it), but it engaged my mind and got me to find out more about my religion, about other truths in the world, and that is quite a huge task that a small book did.
it did not put me through any religious crisis that some people might feel religious people, or anybody of faith would have. rather, with each research, i know more about my religion and it’s past than i did before.
well spent 16 bux.
donations
you would probably notice the new button to the right. the ugly donations button.
i kinda made the button on a whim, but yes, it does allow u to kindly donate money to little ol’ me on this site then.
why is it there?
not for any particular reason. i was just testing out this function of paypal, and also more for a fun thing.
there’s so many things i want, more than i really need, that it’s just simply ridiculous if i expect someone or anybody to donate to me.
there’s only 1 huge thing that i want atm though, and that’s graduating then visitng my bf… well 2 things then.
i could go work and then use my own money to do it, but i am also studying heaps. so i dont wana stress about work too.
however, if you do choose to donate, o.o well thanks. ^.^ i will probably put in the funds towards that sponsor a child program in world vision anyways 
on campus vs off..
some one asked about personal opinions on living off and on campus, since there was a huge bunch of us who moved out. so i decided to just post it here, that my other friends may know as well what i think (less chance of repetitive questions!!!)
i have lived on campus for 2 years. part of the reasons i left were that the services were getting unreliable, the food was getting worse and some of the costs were simply retarded. 12cts/mb dl for internet, can u imagine that?
mine was as close knitted community coz we were i think the 2nd smallest hall on campus, when i first arrived anyways. ours also were one of the 3 fully catered halls, which i chose so if exams comes around, i wud not and need not be bothered to cook.
perhaps why i chose it was also retarded too hehe. from the weird maps, the way they described the halls, i thought they were better spread apart, and that they had different views from their rooms, so since the one i chose pointed out that u had be living near a river and get to see it too if u live on the right side, i decided hey! burgie it is for me!! it looks better than the others too on the brochures.
when i arrived tho, burgie looked, at first sight, that it hasn’t completed its building. then again, everyone of the buildings on campus did. of course, horror of horrors, 3 of the 7 halls or so is just by the river!
there were also other reasons why i chose to stay on campus. being next to school, me and my bad habits of being late might get curbed, or almost curbed. over the months, i learnt that the nearer u r, the more likely ur to be late
on campus though, everything is easier. school is just next door, ur friends are kinda “picked” for u, and thru o’week interactions, u get to meet the uni crowd which if ur living off campus and dont know much abt on campus activities or feel too lazy to join, u wont ever get to know those crowd.
as a first year though, back then i was pretty clueless. plus the fact that this isnt a place i was familiar with, the on campus help, the tutors, the admin in the hall, every little bit helps. because there is constantly people around, and people with similar studying and sleeping habits, i am never really alone.
but being so close can have its own tensions too. the way the halls were built, we could hear everyone clearly over the pipes, or at least my next door neighbours. i could hear them humping like rabbits, breaking up, their kissing mistakes (the unforgettable, OUCH YOU BIT MY LIPS!) or them talking “behind” my back. there will always be inconsiderate neighbours who come home loud and drunk, breaking stuff, stuffing up the fire alarms, waking people up at 5 am, in the shower making out with their girlfriends OR barging into your room and stealing all ur snacks.
don’t get me wrong, all these are also part of college, on a certain scale, when i detached myself from being in there, it’s actually amusing. but all this amusement went out of the window one day when my neighbour, who had been bugging the hell out of me about my alarm which also wakes him up, to keep my alarm on my desk so that it doesnt wake him thru the pipes. my alarm though, is THAT loud. even with it on the desk, it does penetrate the walls. so he came pounding on my door a nice sunday morning, resulting in a very pissed off me who decided not to go to church, to pretended to sleep thru everything, and tell him i heard nothing, though i was seething mad.
that night, he didn’t like the music i was playing. but didn’t know how to change song, turn down the volume or etc, so he MUTED my laptop altogether, when i wasn’t around. i mean, we all have an open door approach, if ur unhappy, u can always come and turn it down. but muting it and not leaving a note, stealing my snacks and not leaving a note, BARGING INTO MY ROOM WHEN I AM HALF ASLEEP, i had enough. i didn’t even know he muted it and thought my laptop died and was in tears, coz i didn’t know how to tell my dad i broke my laptop, and i need music to survive. having a md player back then, i need to have sounds to be able to record it on md.
by the time i realised what happened, i marched over to his door and had a talk with him, about what i don’t like. he gave me this “worst neighbour i would ever encounter” face and i finally talked to the floor tutor, HIS GF!!! who had a small argument with him in which he denied everything.
again, have more intelligence. if u can farken hear me i can hear u too. so dumb.
anyways, that’s just one of the types of neighbours i get. and u can’t choose your neighbours. even if you move around, you will still get a dickhead, or a bimbo and u will always always wana scream when u get them type of neighbours.
and the food. well when i first started, it was interesting. i had an affinity towards westernised food, like pasta, fish and chips, even if its a little too greasy.
but as time wore on, their terrible cooking astounded even me. i mean, whats with the random pasta nights and pizza nights? don’t get me wrong, i love pasta and i love pizza, or at least i did before i joined. but when they got lazy, it was all they cook, be it twice a week or 3 times a week. or it’s bangers and mash. until i came here, hot dogs were snacks. from what i understood its about 15 bucks a meal. and 15 bux for bangers and mash.. it’s kinda shitty. even if its not for normal dinners, check out our formal dinners.
we had platters of cheap food, like those u get from bbq outings with friends, those ranges from 16 plus a head to 21 a head. during my first year it was still impressive. in the 2nd year, it just kept getting worse. and u can’t choose what food they should cook for you. u just have a choice of 2 types of meat, the vegies and then the cold dish bar outside (which is often a mishmash of whatever they didnt get to finish the day before, the afternoon of that day, etc.). for the vegetarians though, it’s just one choice of food.
i know, i shouldn’t be picky, it is college after all, and college food are basically limited to what you pay. but see, we are living there, i would at least expect a balance form of meal that isn’t a mish mash of whatever u forgot to cook that week that is about to expire and etc, which at times was the exact image they are laying out to me. i mean check out the random ingredients on that pizza!! wth.
aside from that, there are times when u know, ur anti social, u don’t wana participate in any retarded activities there maybe. but because everyone is going, and everyone is bugging you to go, you get annoyed. or better yet, u get people hollering at ur doors to go, banging at ur doors at 9 in the morning when all u wana do is sleep in.
or u just am too shy to dance in the crowds and they are pulling you out of the door. i still remember hiding underneath the table so that no one would even know i am in the room. in case the peek underneath and see my feet walking around..
that said, i still do miss college life. walking around at 2am during exam period with my blankie around me, in shorts and t shirt and then sitting at people’s door just gossiping is something that u cant do when u move out. it’s just you and someone else in the same apartment.
moving out, u choose ur flatmates, for the better or worse. if u choose ur friends, u have this huge thing dragging u down that u dont wana be too harsh on them, u give in all the time coz, oh it’s ur friends. then when u guys do sit down and mesh things out about rules and such, and what ur unhappy with, sometimes you feel bad.
if u choose utter strangers, you wonder why u bother even moving out of college if they do weird stuff. and then ur all shy and have to start with all that getting to know bit again.
one of the biggest challenge i guess, was actually forcing myself to cook occassionally for myself to save costs. it’s very tempting to just order stuff from across the streets, or call up all the deliveries u could see. i mean, man, how can u resist curry!?!!?! sushi?!?! pizza? pho? EXACTLY!!! i couldn’t lol…
and also, since i haven’t cooked in the 2 years that i was in college (instant noodles doesn’t exactly require much effort), my present cooking leaves much to be desired. i don’t even know what goes with what anymore, or how many spoons of flour goes with how many teaspoon of this and that to make sugar cookies, which i used to make on such a regular basis it was funny…
for those who say coming to uni itself is a step towards independence, i would like to point out it’s really half a step. those who stays on campus, we get most of our toilets cleaned by someone else, water and electricity bills help paid by the college so we dont get disgusting bills flooding our mailboxes, we have people help sort out junkmails from normal mails. i mean, check this out… this is just 2 days of mail..
would you want to experience sorting that out then lugging out all that junk? not me 
in college we had shared stuff, like toilets, kitchenette, fridge, bathrooms. in this particular apartment, we have double ensuites. which was awesome, to say the least. the bad parts of shared amenities is obvious. people steal your food, if u forget ur soap and gold chains or whatnots in bathrooms, it gets stolen sometimes. and our shared fridge, microwave were all stinky from multitudes of use, all types of food, but 0 cleaning. the toaster was burnt beyond use, and the kettle was… i wouldn’t use it. i had my own anyways.
but here, i have to clean my own toilet, i have to clean my own kitchen, and of course, my own plates. gets tiring sometimes
there’s of course the distance from school. when i am really late, the retarded bus schedules doesn’t help (20-30 mins for one. in singapore we get buses every 5-15 mins depending on alot of circumstances.). in the same time that i might have to wait for the next bus, i might have reached school by walking then. then again, i was already late.
i handle my choice of food. THAT is a blessing, regardless of how badly i cook. i have LESS idiots bugging me as neighbours. i mean, the walls here arent all that much thicker, but people shuddup after 11 or 10, because most are working people or people who lead normal lives so that draculas like me have our peace at night to study or have normal sleeping hours.
and i don’t get sordid sounds of people humping next door, going eeee eeee eee aaa aaaa aaa, like hamsters do when they hump.
like, it’s entertaining, about as much as porn entertain me at times when i am really bored and sit there and laugh at the impossible positions they can think up in porn. but, like porn, they are also very limited entertainment.
i can be as anti social as i like, with no one dragging me out of my room except for my classes. and me and my housemate pretty much kept to our own businesses. like we talk, but we pretty much leave each other alone too.
so to end off, each have their own advantages. i would say if your new to the place, or ur in your first year, it would be better to stay on campus. uni life can get very stressful and if u know people who are suffering with you, well, it makes the suffering at least a little happier because you are not alone in your struggle. there’s also the ease of having tutors to help you out too in the colleges, and they hold discussions often enough for certain courses (if not they are fairly approachable at times, and only for some, if not just request a tute… and see how it goes..). there’s of course, always the pool of later year students to just ask.
the benefits of living off campus is having a real taste of independence, being able to be by urself when u really want to, AND THE FOOD!!!!
so yer… i like both 
it also helps that my apartment is gorgeous, despite the various packing boxes that lincy hasn’t bothered to put aside (rose has termed it the box room) and a random bed that appeared out of nowhere (linxy got a new bed and now the new bed is the “sofa”, but without a bedframe to make it sofa bed, it’s just a matteress), a pc table that appeared there coz no one is using it (wade can use it when he comes over… i guess.) and yer, just the cool amount of rubbish.
and yer, no one barging into my room when i might be naked, sleeping or doing my random dances. no one to yell at me about alarms, or steal my stuff.
yer!!!!
dang i love myself!!
catty poo
found on http://www.abc.net.au
Plastic potty helps pussy pee
Judy Skatssoon
ABC Science Online
Monday, 2 May 2005
Owners shouldn’t put too much pressure on their cats when toilet-training as this can cause anxiety and constipation, animal behaviour experts say.
Cats can be trained to take themselves to the bathroom and use the toilet like humans, says the inventor of a pussy potty.Australian designer Jo Lapidge says her system structures cat toilet-training into three stages using behaviour modification and a system of colour-coded rings.
The system, which is being commercially marketed, uses red, amber and green toilet seat-shaped rings that can be filled with kitty litter and placed over the toilet bowl.Kitty graduates through the rings, which have holes of increasing size, until she is weaned off the litter and learns to balance on the toilet seat alone.
Why teach a cat to use a toilet?
Lapidge says the idea isn’t as silly as it sounds.She says as well as eliminating the need for kitty litter in the house, it means the cat can stay indoors, which protects native wildlife.
Lapidge isn’t the first to come up with the idea but her innovative design has won her a place in the Fresh Innovators initiative, a campaign to highlight the work of emerging Australian inventors.She says the final design came to her in a “flash of inspiration” after trying to toilet-train her own cat Doogal using pot-plant saucers and cheap plastic toilet seats cobbled together in her backyard.
Lapidge says her invention is sturdy, practical, easy to get on and off the toilet seat and helps owners break toilet-training into straightforward steps.”It allows you and your cat to progress at its own pace,” she says.
Cats, like children, achieve toilet-training in their own time
Plastic wrap does the trick tooDr Kersti Seksel, an Australian registered veterinary specialist in animal behaviour, says it isn’t difficult to train a cat to use the toilet and you don’t even need to fork out money for commercial products.
A roll of plastic wrapping and a bit of cardboard works just as well, she says.You cover the toilet with plastic wrapping, place a piece of cardboard with a hole cut in the middle over the top, and sprinkle kitty litter into the hole.Once the cat has finished toileting, it scratches the plastic wrapping as if it was digging to bury the waste. This rips the plastic wrapping, allowing the soiled kitty litter to drop into the toilet below.
“The first step is getting them up on the toilet once you get them on the toilet then you just change what the litter tray looks like then away you go,” she says.
But don’t expect the cat to flush the toilet, Seksel says.”I’m sure there’ll be somebody who’ll says ‘yes my cat does’, but generally they don’t,” she says.
Seksel says based on her experience about 5% of cat owners would have toilet-trained moggies, particularly people who live in apartments.”It’s not common but it’s not that strange,” she says.
Theoretically, many animals, including dogs and rabbits, can be trained to use the toilet, but there are physical limitations.
“The average great dane isn’t going to balance on a toilet seat,” she says.
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when i first read this, the first thing i could think about was k-lo.
k-lo is the cutest, most handsome cat u could ever find, but he belongs to my friend. anyways, this machoistic cat that lives with my friend, also have the luxury of the squating toilets that exists in my friend’s apartment. most newer apartments no longer have those squatting ones, but my friend’s home isn’t exactly all that new.
anyways, one day, while i was visting nurjit, k-lo was no where to be found.. so i was like, er.. oh wells (i have this thing for cats… when i find them i tend to follow around them meowing away…)
then i needed to use the toilet… so off i went happily and guess who i saw, with his face all scrunched up, one eye slightly opened staring at me….
k-lo.
he was taking a dump right there…tail lifted up, ass half way thru the toilet so that his dump goes right in. he doesnt seem very happy that i was staring though…
so anyways, that was the end of it. after he was done, k-lo strutted to this water holding thing, like those saucepan things, but plastic. it was slightly filled with water.. he gently pawed it or something, and lept aside as it woosh water down the toilet!!!!!
i was like “OMG NURJIT, LOOK AT K-LO!!! HE’S FLUSHING THE DAMN TOILET…!!!” or some pathetic attempt to flush anyways!!!
then he stared at me again. and i just stared back, the urge for pee was totally gone.
licking his paws, he suddenly started scrubbing the edges of the toilet bowl, the under rims where it might be dirty… working his way roughly till it was near the water pool.
i couldnt stop laughing, and this time nurjit joined me, commenting on how hard working k-lo is scrubbing up his mess, and how she was never this hardworking before!! lmao… her mum stood beside us, commenting that she neednt wash the toilet that week after all, with such a hardworker..
and all this time, k-lo kept looking at us, sternly, as if we were wrong to laugh at him -.-
in the mean time, i think there’s only ONE face that can sum up this post.
erm LOL…..
lol!!!!! probably not as funny as the 2 girls… but still deserves some notice!!
http://www.big-boys.com/articles/loveme.html
clothes~
most people go to uni, to be in uni, to study.
in the case of some, they have a past time that often overtakes the better side of their brains…. aka the one that does the thinking, and does something else altogether that soon takes up all their time.
i am talking about people who comes to uni and spend like 80% of their time deciding if the people who goes to uni dresses well or looks hot. someone was whining to me the other day, how the faculty she was in have no hot boys in it. and i just stared. i mean, is that what it’s all about?
then she proceeds on to explain.. “it makes uni more interesting! motivates me to come to class!”
“do u actually listen in class then?”
“not really, but i am there! that’s what matters!”
right….
today i chance upon a blog, while procrastinating, of a guy whining about the fashion taste of people in NUS as well as that there are not good looking girls in the engineering faculty. excuse me abit, but uh, that’s not the point of going to uni.
besides, when ur in uni, with the amount of workload, i am not quite sure where the time comes when u can actually go out and do proper shopping so that u will always look insync with fashion or look great without getting boring.
most days, when i wake up, i am just in a hurry to get to class and wear something that’s appropriate and get the fuck out. i don’t bother to check “oh my hair is out of place” or “a pink earring would do nice”… i didnt even bother to pack nice clothes from singapore to wear here. because by mid year i be mostly beneath coats anyways.
to be honest, ask yourself as a uni student, are u more interested in reaching the class on time and have ur normal classes, or be on time, immaculately dressed to the nines, but not be noticed anyways?
yer. what u wear to class doesnt make a hell of a difference in a lecture hall of 300. ur just one of the birdies there. what would make a difference is u walk up to a girl and tell her she’s hot. she would 1) slap you, 2) yell pervert, 3) ignores you 4) gets real scared or 5)thinks ur retarded.
in that one in a gazillion chance, the cream of the intelligent crop of the people in singapore decides to gush all over u and go “oh really? oh, you look good too!! shall we date?”, you should make ur self a grave, hop into it and die.
yer really. coz u know why? she was just being sarcastic and u hoped too much. therefore ur hopeless and should just go to hell.
oops… assignment and lunch time!!!!
la di da di da…
the great thing about procrastinating is that u had look at everything else but what ur suppose to do. u sit there, thinking about the past, staring at everyone studying and wondering why u don’t have that motivation then slowly build up that already tall stack of excuses.
then u start finding stuff to do so u had look JUST AS BUSY.. but obviously you aren’t!
ok. so it’s not u, just me. it’s annoying though, when u have an assignment, and ur trying to finish it. it’s always the last week or 2, and my head goes lalala…. and i had do anything but focus. and i be dragging my brain around going STOP!!!!!
so it was one of these times i talked to a tard. perhaps it’s sad too that she is a friend of mine. i am fairly broke, it being the beginning of the month and dad is late on allowance again. and she needed some stuff from me, requiring me to either go to her physically, mail it to her somehow, or she comes get it from me or pay me the postage fees. after all, she wants it doesn’t she? like i don’t really need that damn book. but, er, i am broke, book is heavy, postage = $$$$ out of the window.
and she’s like “man, can’t u just send it to me? i mean it’s just postage.. u can pay me to mail it back to urself later…” i mean wtf. what’s wrong with you…
then she went on..”well since i couldn’t get you earlier, i kinda went to your friend and asked if she could lend me hers until i get u to send me urs. i mean i still want to have my own book to hold. hers is so tacky, all outdated and stuff.”
wow. first up, let it be known, i don’t like people who are my friends, who know my other friends, to borrow shit from each other BECAUSE, if anything goes wrong it is MY FAULT. because YOU don’t know THEM and THEY don’t know YOU. my friends are my friends, get your own. get to know them, beyond all this borrowing shit. get to know them personally, that they know they can TRUST you, rather than “if panda trusts her, she must be ok.” no it’s not ok, it’s never ok if u don’t know that person other than thru ME!
secondly, if you BORROWED something from someone who doesn’t know you but out of the sheer kindness of their hearts, then fucking appreciate it. you can say all you want, that you do, but calling it tacky and outdated. man, you don’t even have the book, who are you to judge…
thirdly, as with people with annoys me ingame, the same applies to real life. i am not here to be your bitch. you want something, come get it. you need it badly enough, gimme money to post it. the book was, after all, for your benefit. if u don’t see the need to gimme money for it, then i don’t see the need that u have for the book.