In considering how much manual handling I would do, I decided to put myself back into the gym. This is.. not quite an easy decision since I am naturally a lazy ass. The last time that went well, I only went like twice a week.

I just went to the gym for an entire week lol!!! And now, the rest of the traineeship is joining in bit by bit obviously not in the same gym, but we are doing similar things, which is very very encouraging. we work like a herd!! w00t!!! haha

As we close in on the end of our second month into our traineeship, I must still say, I am waiting for the niceties to stop at some point. I will admit, I am worried that employers/superiors will suddenly flip out on me again. I do have my fears. and seriously, 2 months is hardly a long enough time to gauge everyone and know everyone.

It is hard to find a job like this though, knowing that you have made a difference. I look forward to working everyday, and I go home just about as happy as I have left it. There’s a brightness emitting from that place, and it is not from the knives people back stab each other with.

Not that we don’t have any black sheeps within the place. it’s just that with the goodness so overwhelming, it is so much easier to ignore the bad.

I am still in this, I am still loving it, and oh God, it is so good, so good. *rolls around in happiness*

I have been going into work earlier now, since I am doing night shifts, and in a locked up unit. There are the residents who helped me in the earlier days of my traineeship that I cannot afford to forget or ignore because they were gorgeous and lovely to me.

As with things that happen in a nursing home… one of them is definitely fading. how fast or how slow, I don’t know. They say not to get too emotionally attached. It’s hard though, and I don’t want to let go. In this instance though… it might just be a blessing to.

Here I am Lord,
Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night…..
I will go, Lord. If You lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart!

It’s been a whole month since I started my work as a Trainee Nurse, and boy, what a month it has been. It definitely didn’t felt like a month, considering the amount I have learnt, the things I have done and the emotions/scenarios I have experienced.

The most important thing I believe I took away from it all is how much I took many things for granted. And knowing most of my friends, I believe we did take a few of those things for granted too… The ability to touch, see, hear, walk, dress, sing, remember, dance, smile, shower – even clip our toenails.

They are not very, very important things. They are, however, a symbolism of our independence, of our self control. The very basis of everyone’s pride and dignity. It is not till we have lost some of these abilities that people realise what they have lost, and then the tears flow.

People do not realise, easily, how lucky we are in these times as compared to 70-80 years ago. Yes, we are going through troubling financial times, and problems will always seem bigger than they are when you are confronted with them. compared to being tortured, compared to being starved for being a Jew, compared to watching your wife get raped infront of you, compared to losing your family members to car accidents, your children to the war, your limbs to land mines and gagrene from infection…. I think we have got it good.

Every so often, we get new residents who comes in with no further will to live because they have lost some of the above abilities, if not all. “I can’t handle this anymore” they say. So what do I do there? I am not sure. I do know for sure, I will be handing out hugs to them because that’s all I can give, a comforting set of arms as they find their way to handling their life again, or to God.

There are very real problems out there in the world, and there are very real needs and emotions. I want to be there, to be part of the solution or be the crutch someone leans on.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y28ubxxjXHQ

Recently, as I am not even close to being a permanent resident yet, I learnt that I am not eligible for the Government Grant for Traineeships. I already knew that prior to me joining my current employer, however, they hired me despite me already notifying them my status.

I thought perhaps they had something worked out.

It seems they didn’t even come close to realising how financially heavy this was until the past week, since there’s four of us within the program that were stuck in the same situation and were unable to apply for certain things with our course providers.

I was stumped, then I got worried. I started thinking that perhaps they won’t pay for our course if they realise how financially heavy this might be. It would not be an easy or light decision. $40,000 is alot to pay for 4 people whom have yet to prove themselves. Having us pay a portion of the course wasn’t going to be an option as I know I can’t pay even a quarter of my fees – and I know the other 3 were in a similar financial situation.

So I started thinking of applying for other jobs, how to go about it, which industry to get into… and I find myself unable to do so. Unlike my previous employments, I am unable to foresee myself in another place. In another job, in another industry… What the hell was I supposed to do then?

I didn’t want to sit for the rest of the weekend wondering what IS going to happen. I want to know. I wanted to know how I could stay, at all. So I called my superiors, and funnily, they seem to be so casual about it.

“i think we are paying for it.”

“oh when can I get a confirmation on that?”

“i believe Miss X is calling HQ about it. Let me just go look.”

she comes back in 2 minutes, and then, “Miss X just got off the phone with HQ, and they have confirmed they will be paying for you all.”

“oh, thank you, thank you!”

I think she heard the relief in my voice, and there was an immediate change of tone. a very firm tone.

“We aren’t about to let you go, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If they have something to say to MY trainees, let them come to ME! We want you all, and we will find a way to keep you all!”

Dear woman, you don’t know how happy you made me that day. I have yet to come across an industry and a job that I haven’t had a back up in mind, much less a job where I can’t seem to want to find a way out of. I think I have found my calling, so THANK YOU!!!! THANK YOU!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3!!!!!!!

P.S would you believe me if i said a terrier walked into my house today? I nicknamed him Kitty, but vagina wouldn’t let me keep him. oh wells.

Nursing is quite a life-changing experience. For me, I never thought I could do aged care. I thought I might not be able to relate, I might not be able to do many things. The funny thing is, when I “work it”, I never even came close to thinking that I couldn’t do it.

Everyday, at the moment, is a learning experience. I would say, everything happened like an open book lesson with all the characters living it out infront of you.

I arrived late today, as I was feeling quite terribly out of it. My head was still pounding from the migraine of yesterday, but I really WANT to be there. more people to hug, more people to love, more people to love me back. When I hopped off a cab, there was May, with Angel.

May is this sweet old lady who is more than willing to offer her opinions to help us while we trainees are learning. she can barely stand on her own though, and quivers on her walkers. Angel is one of us trainee, and she was standing there absolutely petrified. this was the time of the day where the receptionists have not turned up to work yet, nurses were doing their handovers and rounds and everyone else was busy finishing up the residents’ breakfasts.

and May was, one arm lined with her bag while the other had her little radio, insistent that it is time for her to go home. she scratched Angel, and then I took over as May tried to hop into the cab I just got off. “come May, where would you like to go?”

“I am going home!”

“oh, but May, why are you going home now?”

“BECAUSE IT IS HOME!”

Angel was still panicking, and so she left to grab a registered nurse while I stayed with May.

“come May, let me follow you then, and let me hold on to you.”

“please let me go, this is not right” she spat at me angrily as she clawed my hands off her. “why would you follow me, why would you follow this old lady?”

“because it is dangerous and the cars are zooming around you.”

“i will be fine!”

“i know, but I prefer to see for myself you had be fine.”

“STOP FOLLOWING ME! DON’T TOUCH ME! I AM CALLING THE POLICE!!!”

“come now May, it is really safer for me to be with you.”

at this point, a nurse came out and took over, while i went and hunt down a wheelchair for poor May. we managed to get her back in, only to have her try to leave again. At which point, we had to put her in the enclosed dementia unit until she calms down.

With some residents, changes can be quite upsetting. Recently, we’ve had a few renovations going on that were both noisy and disruptive. Not to mention the deaths in the rooms near to May. Little things can trigger off bad memories, and inevitably it would look like a moment of “bad memories” appeared. Since May is never usually like this, they are monitoring her down at the dementia unit until they know it was just a short term trigger and she is not going to run off again.

Meanwhile, sitting on the side bench at the front door, Wilkes was laughing his ass off. He has tried to run away himself a few times previously, apparently.

“why,” he choked, “that looks like me!”