Loving on the sidelines

anivyl Posted in Work，
23 June 2009
0

I held a dying person’s hands last night. It was cold, and she was clammy. She had bowel cancer, she’s perspiring, she’s cold all over and she’s in terrible pain – not to mention all choked up with a tight chest.

And she’s incredibly alone, with no family for us to call to come see her for one last time.

So I sat there, and held her hands. I called her name, I sang to her and I prayed for her.

There’s something incredibly humbling about all that, that despite whatever we do in life, we will all die, some more painful than others. And some infinitely more lonely. The people who walk through our lives, we never really acknowledge them or appreciate them – they are just the passerbys after all, to some.

The other side of the story is how I wished in all my heart that she could be released from her pain. Once upon a time, my grandpa passed away. It was the saddest day of my life, for various reasons. I had full blown eczema, and could not stand in the hot hot sun, which would have excarbated the problem further. so, I was the only grandchild left behind, in a nice air conditioned car left to trail behind the funeral procession, and then not allowed near the graveyard.

And all I could think about was, “I haven’t apologised to you yet, you don’t have a right to leave yet.” My grandpa, despite his gruff appearances, was a gentle, generous man. At the age of 80, he climbed up the tree to pick some mangos/durians (the story differs based on which aunt you talk to) for our neighbours. he fell, hit his head, and started some bad condition in his body. far as I know, he was diagnosed with 2 years to live.

I knew he lived in constant pain, but my aunts made sure that he at least did things that would have left his life somewhat fulfilled.

Last night though, lied a woman who have no family to do such a thing for her, nor visited her in at least 3-4 years. She’s probably lived her own life, but to fulfillment? I don’t know. All I know is, a painless death would have been preferred if she could have helped it.

I said my farewells, and then I left. They don’t talk much about this, how emotionally attached health professionals can be towards their patients. A doctor once commented that anaesthetists, dentists and psychiatrists are the frequent suicide cases of the health professions, and the only reason why they are right at the top is because of the ease of access to lethal drugs. While death is a frequent occurrence in aged care, I do have to wonder, how many nurses wish they can stop viewing some macabre deaths, such as that in children.

digging a deep hole

anivyl Posted in Work，Tags:
04 June 2009
0

On my first day of traineeship, there was this really loud chick known as Tammy. I didn’t like her much right off the bat, mostly because I really dislike loud, attention seeking ass-kissers, and that’s how she appeared to me then.

the thing is, I know my own flaws. I always jump straight into conclusions about people just like that, and then risk alienating myself. Over the course of the next few days, I tried to make myself communicate more with her. There’s nothing wrong with confident, competitive and outspoken people anyways, is there? She is also one of us trainees anyways, so it would be better to learn to get along with her now, than to struggle somewhere down the road later on.

Along the way, I started getting closer to the rest of the group, and have my own buddy, Emma. Emma and I get along surprisingly well, to the point where we are known as the “couple”, which was hilarious. we have alot of fun, we are close in age and personality and our supervisors noticed that and attempts to keep us together since we work well together.

Then, Tammy had her first confrontation with someone. I have always noticed that Tammy does not like to do the “dirty” jobs, and keeps her distance, so to speak, if she have to. She comes to work in high heels, claiming that flat shoes hurt her feet. When ask to shower someone, it is like watching someone spray a dog from a distance.

So, when she got buddied up with a senior nurse, the nurse supervised her and tried to correct her – and she was not happy. She insisted that bathing certain types of patients are different (such as dementia patients), and should be re-demonstrated as to how she can shower them. During our staff meetings, she brought that up again, insinuating that everyone (supervisors and the nurse in question) was not doing their jobs or communicating properly.

her suggestion and insinuation was acknowledged though, and then they tried to move on to the next topic. Tammy being Tammy though, she has no respect for anyone in the place at all. she loves to whisper about her own topics when she’s no longer the centre of attention. so she turned to the nurse she was previously suggesting as being inept, and kept carrying on and on about how bad the administration was.

The nurse was turning red with rage, as we could all see, and the supervisors immediately noticed it and tried to hush Tammy up. The damage was done though, and for the next couple of days, we realise the nurse was a little wary of us trainees.

the supervisors did try to pick Tammy up on it, and her bad habits as well. she had a huge cry over it, thinking she was severely wronged. and then she sulked the whole day, telling everyone of us trainees off for the smallest things. It all came to a head though when she tried to go off to her tea break while still feeding someone. she tried to get someone else to finish off the feeding, and was told she needs to finish what she has started.

oh how she rage! she called everyone unprofessional and still uses it as a perfect example of un-professionalism during our classes to this day (it’s been a month since).

Because of how she has been doing things, the supervisors prefer to keep a close eye on her. they did sit us all aside and ask which shifts we preferred to do. I was given night shift, along with 2 others. Emma was originally excluded as they decided to do the cut off point right before she went for her interview. Tammy however, had a choice, and she chose day as she couldn’t do a full night shift every week.

When Emma and I said our “loving adieus”, the supervisors realised they had just seperated us, and offered to fix it right on the spot, giving Emma a night shift spot. Tammy happened to overhear it and got terribly pissed off – she felt the supervisors were biased towards us.

Furthermore, that day itself, I went for my migration health check. Despite it ending close to noon, and my shift finishes at 3, I decided to cab it back because I actually… missed work. so much. The supervisors said I could if I wanted to, and so I did.

Tammy wanted to take a part day off like I did, so she could see a doctor too, she claims to me. She had a c-sec and wanted to know if she could work out in a gym as her hips and all still hurt. that’s what she said. however, the supervisors told her to just take the whole day off then, and she got upset, claiming again that they were just biased against her and being unprofessional. Then she snucked back into work and clocked in her time sheet.

It turned out, as I found out recently, she wanted the time off so she could go for a JOB INTERVIEW. This is quite different from a health concern. of course they wouldn’t want to allow her to do something like that… and then still be paid for the whole day!

and now, she’s just hit the pinnacle of selfish-ness. Emma wanted to do night shifts as she wants to be there for her kids until her husband’s home. the next couple of weeks though, her husband would be away for work. Of that 2 weeks, one of those weeks she couldn’t find anyone to help look after her kids, so she was hoping to do day shifts until her husband gets back.

she had a chat with one of our supervisors, who suggested that Emma go look for someone within the unit to exchange her shifts with her for a week. Aka, people with experience within the dementia unit. Emma was talking about it with the other staffs and Tammy overheard. She immediately volunteered herself and say she can do all those shifts, sans a monday, and that there’s no problems…. and she will start tonight!

I immediately piped up and went, “but isn’t your Josh leaving for 2 weeks only, and only from next week?”

Emma was like, “yes….”

Tammy: ” who’s Josh?”

“erm… Emma’s husband?!?!”

Considering how Tammy has alienated herself so much she had to cling to both of us during class times, I am quite amazed she does not know Emma’s husband’s name.

regardless of the conversation though, Emma calmed Tammy down, and thanked her for letting her know she’s free but she would need to discuss that with our supervisors. Tammy wouldn’t have any of that, and insisted it’s ok since they have settled it between themselves.

Then she proceeded to tell the supervisors that Emma has requested to exchange shifts with her PERMANENTLY and it’s all sorted out between them both now. Obviously the supervisors refused to believe that. by now, it’s becoming more important than ever that Tammy remains within their sights, which is during the morning shifts, and Emma and I have both been told about that. There was never any real intention to let Tammy know about the exchange in shifts, she happened to overhear it and that was unfortunate.

furthermore, they know Emma needs night shifts because of her kids, so they refused to believe it’s a permanent shift she was looking for. They pointed out that factor to Tammy, who refused to believe them, saying that Emma has already sorted it out with her and suggesting then that the supervisors were being biased against her – and therefore she will just turn up at 3pm next tuesday for the night shift whether they like it or not.

erm. what?

someone’s going to get the boot.

need to belong

anivyl Posted in Work，
23 May 2009
0

The reality of a nursing home is that it is a place where people go to… to have some r&r before finally moving on. Whether you have the mental capacity or not, a new place is always going to be difficult to adapt to. Sometimes, all it takes is just one person and it helps get you adjusted. other times, it takes plenty of tears, runaways, begging and pleading before you eventually settle down. And then, there’s the non-issues.

For those with dementia, I believe the settling in period can be quite awful. While most that I have been helping are quite far into their dementia symptoms, there are still moments of lucidity when they realise what has happened. And these moments of lucidity interacts with the confusion in their minds…. which can eventuate into something real nasty and heart wringing for the patients.

They call us “personal carers”, or “assistant nurse”. Personally, I prefer the word “personal carer” – and I am not talking about just the physical wellbeing of a person. I think, with a couple of the people I know, working as a nurse has become so “common place” and such a routine to them, that they forget the people that they are caring for. This is not a swipe at them, mind you. I think no one’s infallible to feeling like that when they have worked in a similar role for a long time.

The question is, how do we avoid it, or notice it soon enough to avoid the trap?

Every night, things “have to be done” by a certain time. some things “cannot” be done at a certain time. What is with the certainty? Especially in a place as unpredictable as the dementia ward, what of certainty?

Can we afford the time and the heart to stop by each bed and give them a hug good night? Acknowledge their lonliness, their desperation to cling on to their last remaining senses? Can we acknowledge their fears? give them our time, to listen even if we can’t understand them?

I have never seen an old man cry. I saw one cry the other night, out of homesickness, out of lonliness, out of desperation…. out of the realisation that he has lost control, but not as to what he has lost control of. He was shaking so hard, he looked so lost and yet…. prior to me finally turning to him, no one would stop to give him the time of the day because they were so worried about falling behind.

We are not terribly short staffed, but definitely, at times, it feels it would help if there was just a couple more to walk around and offer some heart and hugs around.

Ah yes, my heart’s big enough to be offered around :p

and for those who get bored with all my emo/loving posts – here’s something special XD Lingerie Football League! *nom nom nom*

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