Category Archives: Work

Oct15

bits and pieces

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bits and pieces

oh damn, HI!!! sorry I neglected to write more about Aion. I spent the last couple of weeks working extras for christmas, to help someone in a bad time and hopefully to catch up on my current (tiny) debts so that nothing would implode. I think I overdid it coz, you know, I barely had the chance to look at Aion! much less write about it :(

Nomnomnom

So instead of Twitters, here’s more of me:

The best of the last 2 weeks:

- squeezing in enough shifts to… literally double my pay. man, it felt good to get paid what I used to, and then some. of course, it’s almost all gone now (!!!!) after catching up with debts, setting aside some in savings and then preparing for the ultimate send off of (needy) presents :D

- oh, HAVING SAVINGS?!?! it’s a paltry amount, but better than naught! no, siree, i don’t want no empty banks again. that sucked.

- getting cuddles and kisses. publicly. it soothes my soul *_*

- two words: SOOKIE STACKHOUSE!! (i love you so much April, and if you and i swing very differently, i might be worshipping at your feet)

- window shopping for presents and imagining all the smiles, grins and overwhelming happiness. oooeeerrr. i want see happy faces ^_^v oh, and with that, i also end up accumulating a wishlist for myself to get myself. that also charged me up happily.


The down side of the past 2 weeks:

- being picked upon by various people, and especially a particular superior. seriously people, get your act together. you whinge about being abused by various parties, and yet you commit the same act. Do you think I enjoy it much as you did? have you ever thought maybe the problem is YOU? Karma people, karma.

- having the deaths of 2 residents. oh i know, you have read enough from me and i know by now i should be feeling some what used to it. but… I don’t think I can? it comforts me that I can and have made their last moments somewhat more comfortable. not to mention, I followed my dad’s philosophy. so far, I haven’t let anyone died hungry.

- I found a really nice store in civic, which has a very mamak-feel to it (like street store friendly), just like singapore. hell, their chai tasted like teh tarik even and they are open 24 hours. the problem is, their cooked food have been left out the whole day, so they look scary gross. their prata/naan has no differentiation and they both taste like cardboard pieces.

but the people are so nice, i keep going back everyday, and it’s starting to feel a little masochistic now to do so LOL.

- feeling so exhausted after the week was over. it really starts getting to you when you actually get to your days off.

In the last few days, I have perfected the art of “pretending to have some time to chat with xxxx”. In the perfect world, every nurse would have the time out to be able to chat with the resident. but this might not necessarily be so and oft time, we find that the poor things end up feeling lonely.

It did not hit me how much my presence impact on them, even if it’s a little bit, until a few nights ago I had a particular resident. Long story short is, he’s often cranky with me, using some choice words and behaving as if I am quite stupid. It eventuate in that particular conversation, somehow, that he was quite upset (or jealous!?!) that I have never sat down to chat with him much like I would with most residents around him.

Before you go “geez, you idiot, why everyone but him”, I can come up with a list of whys… but that’s not the issue here. So I started popping in, few minutes here and there much as I can afford without falling behind. I have yet to see much of a result, but it did make him seem less cantankerous… just a little bit.

This also raises another issue that has been discuss throughout my classes too. We are often worried about the rights of residents, as some are quite unable to defend themselves, as well as their relations. we have got tonnes of training to handle complaints, grievances and the like.

but what about us? what about when we get abused? just because residents are physically frail does not mean that some of them have lost their intellect… so what happens? is it ok for nurses to constantly get verbal abuse from anyone? who helps us when we lose a resident?

in all other news….. I got all excited because I downloaded the new Jamie Oliver Iphone App (aka another few thousands of recipes…). I am not a big fan of Jamie, however I love cookbooks and this young chef is throwing everything he’s got into the social media – and why not? so, along with epicurious, 4 ingredients, indian vegetarian recipes and allrecipes app, i now have a jamie oliver app.

as to why so many cooking apps – ah, well, some recipes show up in some places, and some don’t!

ok, i need to go sleep now, otherwise I start thinking REALLY BAD THOUGHTS.

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Aug31

Sometimes, it does take two

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Sometimes, it does take two

By now, death is certainly something I should get accustomed to. After all, everyone ends on the same note. How everyone ends though, is quite something else altogether. It still makes me sad, makes me worried or makes me wish for something else entirely different on that spectrum.

When people come into homes, and they still have their partners, they sometimes move in together with their partners. This depend on how well they can look after themselves, for the most part. Most that do move in together have some sort of dependency on having others around them.

In room 27, there was this very beautiful couple. Whenever the wife needed something, the husband had get up and totter over to the nursing station to ask us for that favour. Similarly, she had watch over him during the times when he was too ill to talk to us, such as telling us what he could possibly like to wear.

Both of them have their own medical problems, of which the woman exhibited more of it physically speaking. It was painful to see her being in so much pain sometimes, even from just turning her on to her side – something I know I took for granted on a daily basis as I tunnel and funnel in my blankets. She could barely explain her pain to us as both her partner and her speaks mostly portuguese, and she slips in and out of confusion on a daily basis.

About 2 weeks ago, the husband ended up in hospital due to a fractured hip. This is not uncommon in the elderly, especially those with mobility problems. What became a problem was how she slipped further after he was gone into the hospital. As it was, her health was going downhill, but with him gone, it became worse. A week after he left for the hospital, they had to use a machine to drain the mucous from her lungs.

“she isn’t going to be long now,” the supervising nurse said to me.

I kind of groped around my bag for the book of prayers I have been carrying with me ever since the last death. and then, I stopped. I sauntered over to her room, and gently wiped her clammy face. “hang on for a little while longer, Rose, just hang on. Let Bill see you for one last time before you go.” I begged her quietly. It technically has nothing to do with me, how much she can hold on or whether he sees her or not. I just put myself in their shoes, and I think if it was my baby on that bed, I don’t want to not be with her for the last time.

Neither did I know when he would even be able to make it back too.

Regardless of what I asked of her, I decided to make up a prayer for her anyways and kissed her forehead.

She died 8 hours later, in the wee hours of the morning. and he, after hearing the news from their children, another 4 days later.

In a very dark way, it was all for the best. By all accounts, they were very close and devoted to each other. That one should live without the other felt like a needless cruelty. In their living, they have crossed many bridges of problems, solutions, happiness and bitterness – it is only right that they should depart in togetherness – the way a relationship should work.

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Jul16

seeking help…

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seeking help…

I don’t like asking for help, even when I do desperately need it. I like to play down my problems, what I feel, until sometimes it’s too late and everything just bubble and froth over like they are not meant to. I know I can be a drama queen, or a complaining bitch – but it’s not a call for help, more like a need to vent my frustrations than anything else.

This has carried over right into my work, again, entirely unintended. I would often forget to press to call bell, if something untoward happens to either me or a resident, mostly thinking and deciding that I can do the right thing by myself. Most times I am correct, and the one time I wasn’t, I was lightly punched unexpectedly by a resident. Not a big deal there, for now.

What really caught me by surprise was how it can affect others. When I decide not to seek help, I always thought it’s less of a burden to other people. Look less needy, get out of their way – what have you. I never thought it could cause other feelings.

a couple of nights ago, my buddy and I went around fixing everyone up and putting them into bed. we forgot to do something that wasn’t a part of our routine as the resident was previously quite able to move around (she suffered a stroke over the last weekend), which was to turn her on her side. What we didn’t really foresee was how the nurse on the ward was constantly following us and making sure we did the right thing.

I mean, she’s always checking on everyone, so we never thought it was intentional for anyone in particular anyways. this is a nurse who is constantly and easily flustered over the smallest of things and it can be quite amusing or annoying depending on who is at the receiving end of it.

but she was watching us.

After picking up on the mistake, she proceeded to tell a fellow colleague how she really felt about us, not in a very nasty way mind you. Just sort of puzzled and exasperated.

“they are good, I am not saying that they are not. They are just too… tranquil.. calm… about this whole thing. working in this ward. they seem to not need any help or anything, or they don’t want to ask for help.”

In essence, after stating that in her usual flustered way, she felt as if we don’t need her around. That we knew our way too well and had never seemed to have a problem. it was quite interesting to view it from that angle. I mean, I always thought she’s quite busy and try not to get in her way – but have inadvertantly caused her to feel quite useless.

So here, to everyone I love, I am sorry if I ever made you feel that way. I just don’t like getting underfoot!

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