so, after all that drama, i am finally going home (albeit with some mini dramas occurring on a day to day basis). at the moment, my flight’s just switched from SIA to Gulf Air – the airline she didn’t want me to take because it’s unreasonable and expensive *cough*. but thank you all for your concerns, your love, your hellos – it helps alot to see people caring
i began packing a few days ago, since i was also packing for a few other reasons:

1) in case i really have to stay in singapore or

2) when i come back i will be moving out anyways.

i haven’t managed to clean up much of my room since exams finished. so the amount of things i managed to turn up was fairly astounding. i mean, i did put some of these things away myself. it’s just that seeing them again brought back so much memories, it was funny.

There was my palm top, the one that i bought because i thought i was going to be stuck in office life forever. it stopped functioning for a couple of years after i arrived in canberra, when suddenly, a broken pen nib awoke it again. but, i couldn’t find any use for it since my memory always seems to improve when it’s actually working. it went back into drained battery mode again.

there were the huge collection of paper bags – that i brought over from singapore with me, just incase they rot in singapore without me.

with every thing i turn up, and looked through, i suddenly realised how long i have been here and not gone home. 2 and a half years may not seem very long when you look back, but it is long enough for me to feel like i am an Australian. i know more about what’s happening here than what’s happening back home. i cheered for the soccerroos during the Fifa World Cup, and cried when they missed. i quietly celebrated Kingaroo’s birth – but it took Time magazine to inform me that my prime minister’s changed.

i scour the internet for news from home, depending on my mood. I see news happening at the newstand here. i know more about the soapies and local gossips, than the ones happening back home.

unless something happens big enough to appear on blogs, i don’t think i would know what’s happening back home anymore. i can feel myself losing touch, but i can also feel myself not caring as much.

i think what finally hit the whole thing home for me, was when i called Peita today. my original flight was meant to be last sunday. however, i promised to meet her somehow before i leave, just so that even if i get booted, she had some how see me before i leave and she goes on her big trip. my phone battery died, and i left it home to charge for a couple of hours. by the time i realised she called, it was too late, so i didn’t call back.

next day, and thereafter, i couldn’t contact her at all. her line was disconnected for some reason. and because i told work i was leaving on sunday, and i didn’t want to work illegally and be underpaid, i didn’t tell them the flight details changed.

i finally reached peita today, and she was… so upset.

“oh hey, you just up and left without a word.”

“no… let me explain, i am still in canberra”

and she admitted she was hurt that i would leave her without a word, and she was actually angry with me.

and these are the things that i will miss. the people, the feelings, the emotions, the country – and i might not come back in the short run.

this trip “home” is going to be scary, weird and uncomfortable.