Dad’s Condition: Why i am not going back…

Prior to me going off to Malaysia for Grandma ages ago, i went with dad for his “appointed” checkup. That would mark the first trip, outside of our real estate area, that we actually went together, father and daughter.

Surprised?

Let me tell you something odd. Since i went back and since he got discharged, dad made it a HUGE effort not to bring me anywhere. “you would get bored” he would say, just to turn me off. or “i will take the whole day…” In essence, he wanted to prove he is still capable, reliable and more healthy than anyone have decided to tell me.

At the end of the day, i often find myself with nothing to do, but to rest at home and day dream about wonderful possibilities, or plan for the future without dad. perhaps a little melancholic, but hey, the reality seems near.

Even when he was home, he doesn’t try to talk to me much, and our conversations ended up revolving around how mum fucked up his head for the last couple of months after his first trip to the hospital. In essence, mum is making him feel guilty for falling sick, and for not being able to find work due to his condition.

Anyways, the visit to the doctor.

To summarise it, it was a shocker.

Dad have been lying to me.

He told me, in the first call i made to him while he was in hospital previously, that one of his artery/something was 85% clogged up. the second call revealed a second clog at 95%. Obviously these are dangerous numbers, however, that meant the third major one was free, as well as a few others, so surgery looked like it was going to be successful.

The truth was, all 3 of his major arteries leading to the heart or something, were at 90% blockage, with a few minor ones at 100%. that means chances for the surgery to even go ahead might be slim.

better yet, he had an argument with the doctor. Apparently, since he felt he’s been drinking less water, and exercising, and not eating much, he just assumes that the blockage will melt away by itself. So when the doctor refused to check his blockages again, simply because the medications were meant to suppress his symptoms, not clear the blockages away, he had a fit.

So, while he did sign up for a surgery, he’s not very happy. he thinks the doctors are wrong, that they are too full of themselves, and that he’s right.

Mum on the other hand, decided to be a pest. She stood between the doc and my dad, while doc was trying to hear dad’s breaths and stuff. When doc told her to move along, she snapped that he was rude. Furthermore, when i was trying to understand the situation from the doc, she insisted we speak in mandarin. These were stuff she should have already known from her last trip here, and things even if spoken in mandarin, she wouldn’t have understood. so i told her to back off, since she was stupid.

but i think, what totally ripped the doctor apart (and he was really patient with both my parents) was when he suggested surgery.

Questions from mum:

“would the surgery be done in a day?”

“how long would it take?”

“can he have the surgery now?”

“so, after surgery he would be ok right? so can he go home and work after that?”

The doc looked at dad, looked at me, and then stared at mum.

“YOU ARE KIDDING ME RIGHT?”

at any rate, since dad doesn’t want me to worry about him anymore, and to just accept his death if it comes, i don’t want to aggravate him by going home at the slightest phone call. i really want to be there, any time he needs me. but he’s pushing me away, so i might as well don’t, and give him his space.