o luxury

P.S it seems that i have been an idiot. i have been wearing these boy cut briefs for comfort for the last couple of days, but my pants have… ahem been dropping. so, with it’s glorious pink flashing to the world, my undies have also been glittering at strangers, telling them to kiss my ass -.-

why me.

however, as luck would have it (although totally unrelated), apparently either the uni has turned rich for jumping in ranks last year or maac has gone generous, they now have like 3-5 established mac labs (that or i have just not been noticing them) complete with the new imc g5 with the built in isight.

guess i ain’t ever going home :p

Yesterday, i went to church. except, church wasn’t exactly church. there’s no real church within a walkable distance of this place, and the nearest church is 40 minutes by foot or about 20 mins + some 10 mins of walking in another direction. either ways, this suburb is catholic church - starved.

but i needed church. i knew lent is coming soon, and either i go, and be a sinful prick for another year. and i missed church as well, it was home to me for various various reasons, and the silent comfort for my tears.

My priest visited me on saturday morning to give me details on how to get to this “church” for my sunday mass, as well as listen to me talk and yabber on and on about how great i am. how patient is he, i have no words to describe. i assured him most of the worst if past now, and at least i am moving on. i also told him of my troubles, and my various plans to save myself.

yes yes, i have many many other side plans to ensure i do not hit home to face the wrath of my parents AND am able to get my dream job. i just have to work terribly hard to ensure i do not get sidetracked.

but church…

i walked there, warmed by the setting sun, quiet in my shyness while enjoying the late afternoon air. it was a hot day, but then again, summer has always been hell in canberra. i wonder how the kangaroos liked being roasted.

upon reaching school, i realised that i have seen this particular room before. it was but a tiny place that they call the “spiritual” center or something along that line. in anu, it would be the multicultural chaplaincy. but this, is VERY tiny. it’s even smaller than the hole that i call my room now.

there were only 5 of us, and 4 of us were international students. the way it was conducted, was similar to a small bible gathering that i used to do while going through catechism.

amidst the little security hoo-ha (the security forgot to unlock the doors), the shyness of having to be in such close quarters with utter strangers, i felt a small sense of coming home.

home, they say it’s where the heart is. and therefore no matter where i go, as long as there is a church and my God, there would be my heart, and home.

i settled down a little and let my voice soared through the songs and prayers that were the familiar ritualistic part of the entire mass…

the entire thing didn’t last very long, but the friendly senior students took us noobs out for some ice cream chit chats.

home… eheheh… against the wind, i ran home, my little skirt flying dangerously above my knees, but i haven’t had a care in the world.

i realised, in that little church gathering, that i had some gifts that i had seen as curses. to be able to feel, to love, to emphatise… those were my strengths and yet they were also my weaknesses, a double edged sword. but with it, i can bring happiness to someone, bring love to people… and be their comfort in their time of need.

i wouldn’t say it took me so long to realised all that, or that one session of church brought me to this realisation, perhaps i have always known it, but chose to look the other way.

embracing my gifts though, proves to be an easier path. after all…. i can bring my “home” with me, wherever i may go, and bring a little comfort to someone else like everyone has been doing for me

happy lent period…. abstinence can be painful but everything is going to be worth it.