leaving on a jet plane

This is the hottest day i have ever truly experienced in australia, other than my first day here. of course, my first day here, was hot because i didn’t quite expect it. but even that boundary was pushed with today’s effects.

when we walked around today in sydney, winds were blowing around in sydney, under a cloudless sky. the effect was far from comforting: it made the already mad heat worse. trains couldn’t function for an hour or so, and couldn’t be guaranteed to run thereafter as well.

amidst all that, the real reasons for us to be there were starting to get in our face as well. we had to grab a cab to the airport so that he may be able to skip the crowd and check in on time. already, there was a very very large crowd for the other planes back to the states.

the worst heat i have ever exprienced so far in australia, coupled with the worst type of exprience i ever wanted to go through, in a city i don’t particularly like, does not quite make my day.

i have never liked farewells, and up till now, i have been just taking his presence here for granted. it’s bad, but he being here felt like the world’s most natural thing. coming home to open arms, hugs and kisses and laughs were extremely nice expriences for me. having someone to whine to about work was great.

and now the person who made it all possible is going to leave?!?!!

but that’s the way things work. we had a great new year’s eve, just the quiet way the 2 of us like. we played our last rounds of king of fighters, we had a last walk around the house, mini arguments that are more of fun jabs at each other.

ultimately, we both know he has to go, and we were both sad. i tried not to cry, i really did. i couldn’t see him eye to eye, coz when he teared, i knew i would. i can not look back, because then i might run back and hold us both up. i might fuck things up in a way that i don’t wish things to be fucked up.

he walked away and went up the escalator, as i went back to my own normality, trying to wander back to central and back on the bus back to canberra.

alone.

then it hit me on the train back to central, just how lonely it is now. no one to hold hands with, bitch with, laugh with. no one to go wow over graffitis, look at little girls who wannabe “hot” and laugh at them for being mini sluts.

i walked home from jolimont, and then felt the lonliness again. the same pavement, the same path, just me and the trees, no jake to hug and pass the chips to. no one to share my stories of work while i walk.

and when i opened the door, the silence overwhelmed me.

this isn’t home.