the better end of life

have you ever had a day that went like 99% excellent, save a few scrubs, then one small incident at the end of the day, something small exploded and just ruined your day?

yer. that’s what happened today… not that it totally ruined my day, i just felt so shit for an hour or so.. and it left a bad taste in my mouth.

first off, i was late for my orientation today due to some bus fuck up. the bus was suppose to arrived at 9.31, but i was there at like… 9.25 and the bus had just left. like, right infront of me. the old lady in the bus shelter was whining about how it came early too -.- normally some bus drivers had wait a bit before driving off if they are early.

this one happily zoomed off. -.-

anyways… so i got there late, and they passed us some goodie bags for “morning tea”… i think it must be raining blessings or some shit. the entire goodie bag was full of sweets.. LOL.. i know it’s not healthy! i do! i just can’t save myself.. there’s fizzy lifesavers!! and chips!! and omg! lollipops! mentos!!!!!

yer i went stupid right there lmao… and i didn’t have breakfast prior to that so that wasn’t very helpful.

most of the people in that class were asian, as i expected… there was this guy who might be from the maldives who was a caucasian, and that’s really it. there were only like 7 or 8 of us though LOL… not much of a comparison really. we were given our timetables and such, and suddenly, i felt a sense of surrealism.

i got kicked by uni. i am joining another uni, without letting my parents know.

what the fuck am i doing?

i felt overwhelmed. i didn’t dare to carry forward my plan initially. i still had the money in my wallet as i munch on the free lunch and walked towards the student union, ready to pay bills or bail on myself. i didn’t know if i should pay. my breath caught as i handed over the first 1k. then the 3k.

i felt so shit, and yet excited. i mean, fuck, i looked at my timetable, my course schedule for the next 3 semesters, and i realised “this is going to be a breeze other than fucking maths.”

and i knew i could do it. and i didn’t know if i should, but i knew i could do it. so i handed over the remainders of my life’s money and then went “screw the world” and just decided i am just going to study.

i knew i had the same drive when i first arrived here. hell, i was so enthusiastic, i packed up a month before i officially left singapore. would anything be different this time? i don’t know. i am going to start things different though, counselling appointments to start soon. coz i know i need it and coz that is part of the reason why i insist on staying.

i started work at 5 today, and there was no one for a long long time. infact, it was a terribly quiet night. my tables were sat, and they were not “re-used” for another group. so essentially, i only served 5 tables worth of people tonight, and then after they left, i was free to go.

i made another innocent error today, but it wasn’t totally my fault. i was hungry and was just casually talking to my trainer about it. she said there were another group of people coming in at 9 anyways, and to go ahead and order food if i really want to.

the kitchen wasn’t too happy about that, although i apologised heavily for it.

apparently, my trainer has no say in these issues though, and only my manager and the head chef really could decide on such things.

as i left, i realised i forgot to sign out. so i went back in to sign out and said bye the the guys. ben, the guy closest to me, just turned around and smash a steak at the cutting board. then threw his knife at the steak as if it offended him.

then sat staring into space as he went into his corner.

i felt so shit at that point. i thought it was ok, coz my trainer said it was ok. most of the time, people took her word for it too, as if she’s a manager, and i did like wise, never realising sometimes it’s wrong. don said not to worry about it since i didn’t do it deliberately nor knowingly.

but as i walked out, all that i could keep in my mind was how ben threw the steak and his knife.

altho ben said bye later on, the damage has been done. i didn’t know if he was serious or if he was pissed with someone else. it wasnt a nice image to keep though, considering so far, i only knew i was the only one who had did a mistake in that last 10 mins.

school was great, work was mostly great…

to end the night with bad images…

isn’t great.