leaving home

i want to complete the story of my life if i could, but it’s too long, and too many different violent episodes. so i will take a break till i actually can think of ways to write it without getting too pissed.

yes memories… they do rake up emotions don’t they?

by chance, i came upon a blog (no i wasn’t blog trolling, it appeared on a school’s link or something) that showed a girl doing a “year abroad” thing from NUS. and she’s right here, in canberra.

i don’t know what to say when i read the blog, because i actually felt… odd. jealous? a little. bitter? maybe a little. the fact remains, they all could go home after 6 months, or a year and every single time, when i think about it since i first arrived, i can’t just simply “go home”.

First off, i do want a degree. Secondly, ever since i first started going home, i felt even more uncomfortable “home” than i ever did. i mean, i knew i was having issues back in Singapore. Just standing at the MRT during normal days, to school, to work, to play, it makes me pissed with some of the people, the places and so on.

i am not denying being a Singaporean, i just don’t feel like i fit in at times. well most times. for example, i am a slacker, i honestly wear terrible clothes at times that no one in their right mind should go out in. and then you see one pretty feet checking me out like i made some disaster when i was just going to the food court nearby. and then another auntie giving me odd looks.

that’s the least of my problems though as i got over it.

i feel so at home here now, i actually fear going back. and somehow, that’s just sad. because in all it’s technicality, i don’t belong here. hell, because i don’t know how to drive, i haven’t even seen much of canberra either, much less australia.

oh wells.

at times i look around my room, and i despair. i fear, living with another male in the house, might just somehow turn me male. it’s garbage land in here, how scary is that?

*shudders*

My camera though, i don’t know what to do with it. it’s demise upset me more than i thought it would. i mean, yer, so i kinda fucked up in an entry to something significant, at least to me. As i sat there scrolling through my flickr stream though, i kinda got even more upset. nooo… no more nice picts, i must take them all within a certain “view” since the camera hole in the phone is damn small..

and oh wait, they will all turn out blurry or something.

and i can’t run off to far far away, without being contacts while i am taking pictures. *snort*

so i started whining to Holy Tony and Travis, and they were all giving me faces. i went to nap it off, and when i woke…

gmail said “Holy Tony has given u money!”

it was from my paypal donations button to the right.

i was like, shit, what the hell, this dude doesn’t even know me. i could be lying ffs. he just gave me 20 aussie bux, but omg, that’s silly. someone will one day go to him “oh holy tony…. please give me a car…” then disappear from his life. -.-”

then he said ” T_T i was trying to buy a healer in a dangerous party… everyone died so it’s too late now..”

….

it’s just a game dude… just a game.

but if that give me 20 dollars at each go, from everyone in game o.o new camera might be sooner than i thought. hell, judging from the 35 hits or so per day, if everyone puts in a dollar or so, in about 10 days, voila, new camera. wait, that means 10 bux from each person.

too lazy to count. whatever, i will get a new camera when i am earning my own money, and after this shit mulls over.

at this point, i don’t even know what camera to go for. i want a canon, but i have a sony memory stick, and memory sticks are so expensive, i don’t want to go through all that again. besides, i have rent to take care off, and a stomach to feed which seems a little hard to care for at the moment.

yer. i need a damn job, but i need to stop worrying about the damn visa.