wedding bells

a few months ago, i had a talk with one of my closest friend. as i would have it, i rarely call back to my friends who have little to no access to the internet, not because i despise them, but because i could not really be bothered to bother them. i don’t know when they be home, when they be busy, and the list goes on.

this girl though, has always been an important part of my life, no matter the circumstances. again, perhaps it’s a flawed thinking, but my friends and i, we love each other whether we communicate or not. especially because we know one day our path would lead us perhaps very far from each other, communication wasn’t a big thing, but being true to each other is.

the talk a few months ago, was a little scary, in my opinion anyways. she was telling me about a possible marriage to her boyfriend, as it seem like a part of a natural progression in the relationship. on the one hand, it seemed it might help out her family problems a little, as they were very poor and no one who’s working wants to contribute to the family. she was supporting the family of 2 elderly parents and an older sister on her pittance of a pay. on the other hand, like i already said, it was like a natural progression to the relationship on hand.

she wasn’t feeling too sure of it at that time. she was scared, worried of being tied down and so on.

a few months on now, and she seems ok with it. the date has been set, and regardless of my plans next year, whether i like it or not, i am to go back for her wedding.

at this point, i don’t know if to feel happy for her or not, because a few years ago, i remember her being really upset at a possessive boyfriend who demanded her attention 24 7. who made her feel tied down, commited and the pressure was overwhelming, and she hated every minute of it later on in the relationship. and now, the same person, is ready to be tied down, to move on to the next level of the relationship she now has instead of partying round.

i love her deeply, and i want her to be happy, likewise she me. this period of time, she wants to fly here, to care for me if she could, hug me to sleep because i needed it, and yell at me for being all silly about myself.

and i just want to be there, talking to her about her decision, her work, the tough times, and everything else in her life.

i miss her deeply. if there’s one tough thing about being an international student, it’s leaving all the friends you’ve ever had behind to be somewhere else you have no one you know for months at a go in the entire year. calls are expensive, there’s also timezones to consider.

now she’s getting married. it seems so final, because, while divorce is an option out there legally, nobody, and i mean nobody i know, regards it as an option. i want to know if she’s really happy with her decision, that the other person is treating her well, will treat her well, and would not walk out on her.

feels strange, how the most likely of my friends to get married are still single, and the least likely to are either married or getting married. i suddenly feel so old.

and yet still not ready for that next step because i don’t know if i would be a good wife. you know, the jitters.

good luck ah ma, i will be at your wedding, like i promised