I know this is everywhere, and I know I mentioned it on twitter like twice. but… I have to write a long one just because.

When I was 11 or thereabouts, I saw Michael Jackson on the TV for the first time. I believe it was “Remember the Time”, and I felt completely awed by his dancing and singing. Of course, me being me, the first thing I asked my maid was – “Why’s she named Michael when she’s a girl?” But I was sold, completely sold, and for the next decade and a little, I had save up for his new albums and actually loved 80% of the albums that I bought with regards to him.

Ah yes, I am one of those people who could never liked more than one song an album, and therefore couldn’t justify buying a whole album. When IRC appeared, and I could use it at home, it was god-sent to me.

I grew up singing to him, trying to imitate his dances in the bathroom, the showers, the swimming pool, the kitchen… I defended his looks and choices at school. I grew up being teased by my own parents at my idolism of him. I had fun, I loved his ideals and I had pictures of his face lovingly cut out from The New Paper.

Aside from all the memories and being an icon of my childhood, his songs encouraged many things in me. Racial equality, the care, love and protection of children and generations, having extreme romantic views on what love is…

Just when I am finally able to perhaps afford a concert ticket and memorabilia of the concert, I won’t see him ever. Not even on T.V except in replays of his talent.

Even to this day, if you asked me about his controversies and his weird eccentricities, I had be telling you to get fucked. There are many reasons behind it. There’s always more than 2 sides to the story, especially that of a celeb’s life. There’s the Goss side, the What-The-Public-Likes-To-Hear side, and the truth. Michael Jackson did settle many cases out of court, not to mentioned he also got indicted AND acquitted. But few people even cared to remember he got acquitted.

Think about it. you’re a celeb earning millions of dollars a year. Which fool do not want to grab money outta you? If your child has really been molested, do you really want his face on the papers and just be paid off for it?

That all aside, though, I always like his man-child personality. If i ever had the money to, I would have done the same. Theme parks at home and a chimpanzee for a companion. Human relations are sometimes just a tad too much to maintain.

I must admit though, in the last 6 years I never thought much about him nor his music. It was tough defending someone you don’t know, an idol you can never touch, a person you have never seen, infront of people mocking about his sexual orientations and what not. I didn’t want to defend, nor feel the need to defend. I just loved his music, his dancing, his peter-pan complex and nothing could and should change that.

The night before his death, I suddenly thought of him again. I was wondering what is he up to now, will i ever get to see him in concert, as I wished when I was a kid? I was going to Wiki him – when I logged into twitter and saw the first hints of it.

“no..” I thought… no..

So there goes my Childhood icon, my idol and my “first obsessive love”. heh.