The reality of a nursing home is that it is a place where people go to… to have some r&r before finally moving on. Whether you have the mental capacity or not, a new place is always going to be difficult to adapt to. Sometimes, all it takes is just one person and it helps get you adjusted. other times, it takes plenty of tears, runaways, begging and pleading before you eventually settle down. And then, there’s the non-issues.

For those with dementia, I believe the settling in period can be quite awful. While most that I have been helping are quite far into their dementia symptoms, there are still moments of lucidity when they realise what has happened. And these moments of lucidity interacts with the confusion in their minds…. which can eventuate into something real nasty and heart wringing for the patients.

They call us “personal carers”, or “assistant nurse”. Personally, I prefer the word “personal carer” – and I am not talking about just the physical wellbeing of a person. I think, with a couple of the people I know, working as a nurse has become so “common place” and such a routine to them, that they forget the people that they are caring for. This is not a swipe at them, mind you. I think no one’s infallible to feeling like that when they have worked in a similar role for a long time.

The question is, how do we avoid it, or notice it soon enough to avoid the trap?

Every night, things “have to be done” by a certain time. some things “cannot” be done at a certain time. What is with the certainty? Especially in a place as unpredictable as the dementia ward, what of certainty?

Can we afford the time and the heart to stop by each bed and give them a hug good night? Acknowledge their lonliness, their desperation to cling on to their last remaining senses? Can we acknowledge their fears? give them our time, to listen even if we can’t understand them?

I have never seen an old man cry. I saw one cry the other night, out of homesickness, out of lonliness, out of desperation…. out of the realisation that he has lost control, but not as to what he has lost control of. He was shaking so hard, he looked so lost and yet…. prior to me finally turning to him, no one would stop to give him the time of the day because they were so worried about falling behind.

We are not terribly short staffed, but definitely, at times, it feels it would help if there was just a couple more to walk around and offer some heart and hugs around.

Ah yes, my heart’s big enough to be offered around :p

and for those who get bored with all my emo/loving posts – here’s something special XD Lingerie Football League! *nom nom nom*